Dirty Little Secret
by hayleynymphadora
Summary: Everyone has their secrets, but how much are they willing to share? Cassie/Shelby pairing, Klaine, eventual Pezberry. rated M for language and suggestive themes.
1. Secrets, Secrets, Secrets

**A/N: **My wonderful co-author, Defygravity09, and I are proud, excited, and happy to present our newest creation: Dirty Little Secret. Set around Season 4, San, Kurt, and Rach all still live together, Shelby has her Broadway daycare and Cassie's getting on Rachel's last nerve. Rachel and Shelby are close and they decide to get on a chat room and talk...becoming vulnerable and spilling some secrets. This chapter is way long and we apologize, but it was an important introductory and length could not be avoided. Not every chapter will be set up like a chat room, but quite a few will. Again, this is rated M for suggestive themes and language, this is NOT a smut fic (sorry to disappoint those of you who were hoping it was...). We had a great time co-writing this and we hope you like it as much as we do! Let us know what you think about it! With love, Defygravity09 and hayleynymphadora

Ch. 1—Secrets, Secrets, Secrets

Rachel Berry was resting in her room for the night. Finally, it was Saturday—she was so thankful she wouldn't have to go to Cassandra July's wretched dance class at NYADA the next morning—her recent lessons had been pure living hell, and Rachel had yet to understand why the woman hated her so much or what she had ever done to piss off her college professor.

With a sigh, not wanting to think about "Crazy Cassie July" anymore, she flipped open her laptop and cuddled her pillow to her chest, signing into her usual chat room to see if her mom was online. After such a long week, she needed someone to talk to, and her roommates were distracted with their own Saturday night plans—Santana on a date with her girlfriend, Dani, and Kurt was perfecting his NYADA audition in able to get in next semester. Any other day, Rachel might be helping him, but she was just too exhausted to be of any help.

With a small smile, she noticed that her mother was in fact signed in. Saturdays were usually their night to chat. Rachel typed a first message.

**Rachel:** Hi, mama

**Shelby:** Hi, baby. How was your day?

**Rachel:** Uneventful, really. Mostly I just listened to Broadway and tried to learn songs from IF/THEN. I can't sing "Starting Over"…

**Shelby:** Yes, you can.

**Rachel:**__Just watched the performance a billion times, there's no way I can do some of that…

**Shelby: **Since when do you ever doubt yourself? Yes, you CAN sing it. You are Rachel Berry and Rachel Berry can do ANYTHING she sets her mind to.

**Rachel:** Except for NOT screw up her NYADA audition, or marry Finn Hudson.

**Shelby: **But you still got in, did you not?

**Rachel:** Okay well that was luck.

**Shelby:** That was talent, and don't get smart with me young lady.

**Rachel:** I'm not getting smart with you; all I'm saying is that I'm not the perfect goal achiever you think I am. I'm not you—I'm no Shelby Corcoran.

**Shelby:** Ha! Honey, I am FAR from perfect. I am perfectly imperfect. Did you have a bad day? What's wrong with you?

Deciding to dodge the subject of what was really eating at Rachel—the fact that Santana had been out on her date since four and it was now eleven thirty had a good deal to do with it.

Instead, she decided to change the subject in the direction of her mother's love life—she had seen the way Cassandra had looked at Shelby the other day in the studio. There was definitely something there.

**Rachel: **…Ms July seems to think you're perfect…

**Shelby:** We are not talking about Cassandra…unless that's the reason why you're so upset today? You didn't even have her class today…

**Rachel:** Why not? We NEVER talk about Cassandra!

**Shelby:** And we are not about to start now.

**Rachel:** It's not my fault she makes you so nervous.

**Shelby:** She doesn't make me nervous. YOU make me nervous…

**Rachel:** Only because I talk about her.

Shelby bit her lip from behind her laptop screen. Why did Rachel insist on pushing her so far? She wasn't used to being so open with people. She decided she might as well just admit that she didn't like talking about Cassandra. Rachel obviously knew the woman made her uncomfortable.

**Shelby:** Yes.

**Rachel:** but why?

**Shelby:** Because you always read into things that aren't there, Rachel.

**Rachel:** Something is SO TOTALLY there, Shelby.

**Shelby: **Nope.

**Rachel:** Even Santana says so.

**Shelby:** Well, we still aren't talking about this.

**Rachel:** By saying we aren't talking about it, we are talking about it. And besides, if there's nothing there, why do you refuse to talk about it? Hmm?

**Shelby:** Because you will change my words, Rachel.

**Rachel:** I won't! I promise!

**Shelby:** Ugh. Fine.

**Rachel:** She asks me about you, you know. Even though you've only met her like twice…

Shelby's heart practically dropped to her gut. Cassandra asked about her? But…but why? Wasn't she still angry with her? With shaking hands, Shelby responded.

**Shelby:** What about me?

**Rachel:** Basic things…how you're doing, what you do for a living…

**Shelby: **Why?

**Rachel: **How should I know? Maybe YOU should ask her.

**Shelby:** No, Rachel.

**Rachel:** Yes! Come into the studio, she's always there…

**Shelby:** No! I agreed to talk about her, not meet up with her.

**Rachel: **Ugh, mother.

**Shelby: **Ugh, daughter.

**Rachel:** Take a leap of faith!

**Shelby:** I don't appreciate the RENT reference.

**Rachel: **You so did. Anyways, we were talking about Cassie…

**Shelby: **No, we weren't.

**Rachel:** Yes we were, Shelby! What are you so afraid of?

At this point Shelby's heart was pounding hard. She was home alone—she knew she could let her guard down, but she really didn't want to. She wasn't ready to dip into the history of Cassandra tonight and she wasn't ready to be so open about everything in her life to Rachel. It wasn't that she didn't trust her daughter—it was that she didn't trust herself.

**Shelby:** I don't want to talk about this.

**Rachel:** But why?!

**Shelby:** I just don't, Rachel.

**Rachel:** But she wants to talk to you! Doesn't that mean something?

**Shelby:** Maybe to you…not to me.

**Rachel:** I don't believe you! There's someone else?

**Shelby:** No…

**Rachel: **Then I don't see the problem.

_Because I don't want you to!_ Shelby thought with an eye roll. Instead she just said,

**Shelby:** Okay.

**Rachel: **Okay what?

**Shelby: **Just okay.

**Rachel: **What would you rather talk about then?

**Shelby:** …I don't know…

**Rachel:** Exactly. We can't have a conversation without mentioning her—it's fate. You can't run from fate.

**Shelby: **Fine, Rachel.

**Rachel:** Fine, what? You agree? Finally?!

**Shelby: **Yes.

Rachel practically squealed into the pillow she was holding, a grin on her face. It had taken forever—literally FOREVER—to get her mother to admit any feelings for anybody (particularly Cassandra). It was so hard to get Shelby to break that wall of hers down and actually talk about personal things. But she'd finally done it! Just to be sure, she wrote,

**Rachel:** So you're admitting you like her?

_That's putting it mildly…_ Shelby thought sadly, remembering the past. She wished she hadn't been so ruthless. She wished she had had a heart.

**Shelby: **Yes.

**Rachel: **YES! I KNEW IT!

**Shelby:** NOW will you leave it alone?

**Rachel:** Only if you promise to ask her out.

**Shelby: **Fine.

**Rachel:** You're being too easy—you're going to back out.

**Shelby:** No, I won't, not DROP IT! Please.

**Rachel: **FINE. If you promise to tell me how the date goes?

**Shelby:** Okay.

**Rachel:** If you don't, she will…

Tilting her head to the side and debating it, she figured that now she had convinced her mother to ask out Ms July, she really didn't have anything to lose, right? Unless her mom decided to back out…

**Rachel:** So…I sort of lied about Ms July talking to me…she sort of hates me.

**Shelby:** I figured. I sort of lied about agreeing to ask her out, too.

**Rachel:** Ugh. I thought so…well what if I get her to ask you out? Would you say yes?

**Shelby:** I don't know, Rach.

**Rachel:** *sighs dramatically*

**Shelby:** Sorry…

**Rachel: **No, you're not. You're just afraid to let someone in.

Immediately, Shelby got defensive.

**Shelby:** I let you in.

**Rachel:** I'm your daughter, I don't count.

**Shelby:** Yes you do, baby girl.

**Rachel:** Whatever. My point is, you're lonely.

**Shelby: **No, I'm not.

**Rachel:** You say that, but who do you actually talk to besides me?

**Shelby:** Look here, missy. Just because I'm at home on a Saturday night IMing with my daughter, eating chips, and surfing the web, doesn't make me lonely…

**Rachel:** Thank you mother, for proving my point.

**Shelby: **I am very happy, thank you very much.

**Rachel: **Happy, but lonely. They are two different things.

**Shelby:** Has it ever occurred to you that maybe I am happy being lonely?

**Rachel:** But you're not, or you wouldn't have come to find me to begin with.

**Shelby:** I'm happy now that I have you.

**Rachel:** This can't be all you want in your life. Don't you want love? You used to have love…you had Will! And you had Puck…

**Shelby:** I thought we agreed never to talk about Noah again? Is this never talking about him again? Don't you dare start this now, I WILL log off…

**Rachel:** No you won't, please? Fine, talk to me then. Ask whatever you want. I'm not afraid to say anything to YOU.

That was a complete lie—there were a few things Rachel was terrified to discuss with anybody—but she really needed Shelby to trust her.

**Shelby:** What is your fascination with my love life? Why does it mean so much to you?

**Rachel:** Because YOU mean so much to me and you deserve it.

**Shelby: **Well just drop it, okay? I am grateful that you care, but it isn't needed. Just let me be the way I am. As the great Elsa has recently sung…LET IT GO.

**Rachel:** Fine. You say you open up to me but you don't, Shelby. I'll find out why some time.

**Shelby:** I am open to you, Rachel. I just don't want to date, okay? There is no reason other than the damn fact that I don't want to right now.

**Rachel:** I open up to YOU. You can ask me ANYTHING and I won't say "I don't want to talk about it with you" but fine, Shelby. Whatever I guess…

**Shelby:** Don't start with me…

**Rachel:** Just did.

**Shelby: **Goodnight, Rachel.

**Rachel:** No, wait! Mom, I'll stop, come back, okay? Please?

After a moment's debate Shelby sighed hugely and wrote back.

**Shelby:** I'm here, Rachel.

**Rachel:** Okay. Don't do that—don't just leave me.

**Shelby:** You sure are needy tonight.

**Rachel:** I'm always needy.

**Shelby: **Yes, but never with me.

**Rachel:** Well…I'm sorry. I can stop if you want.

**Shelby:** No…it's a welcomed feeling.

**Rachel:** …okay.

**Shelby:** I like being needed by my daughter.

**Rachel:** I like being needed by you too, you know? And I've always needed you…

**Shelby:** I've always been there, Rach. But I wasn't allowed to contact you.

**Rachel:** Which means you weren't always there…but let's not get into that.

**Shelby:** Yes, I was. Remember when you fell off the swing when you were 7? You got hurt really badly…

Rachel's eyes widened—of course she remembered that day. She had BEGGED her dads to let her go to the park with her best friend at the time, Mary. They were swinging super high—and Rachel tilted back too far, flipping out of it, landing on her leg and scratching up her arm. But…Shelby wasn't there for that, was she? She couldn't have been, so how did she know it happened? She couldn't remember ever telling Shelby about it.

**Rachel:** Um..yeah…how do YOU?

**Shelby:** I was the one who took you to the hospital and called your dads.

**Rachel:** …but you weren't supposed to be there… isn't that in violation of the contract?

**Shelby:** It just so happens I was at that park that day, reading, while I was waiting for a meeting with a friend. I heard a child scream. I looked over and saw you and all of the blood…I knew I had to do something, so I picked you up and rushed you to the hospital. I didn't know who you were until your dads showed up and bitched at me. The only thing that saved me from going to jail was the friend I was meeting told the cops that it was her decision to go to that park…I didn't even know what you looked like.

**Rachel:** …oh

Rachel had no idea what to say to the sudden admittance. Was Shelby drunk? Is that why she was opening up so much and recalling stories? Or had Rachel finally cracked the code to let her into the unknown secret life of Shelby Kimberly Corcoran?

**Rachel:** …I don't know how to respond.

**Shelby:** That's fine. I'm sorry.

**Rachel: **…For what?

**Shelby:** I shouldn't have told you…

**Rachel: **It's fine, mom.

**Shelby: **No, it's not…I'm always saying too much. Ugh, maybe it's a sign…

**Rachel:** No, it's now, will you just relax? Jeez, now I know why you never talk to me about anything—you get so paranoid about the littlest things. Just chill out, mom, it's fine.

**Shelby:** …okay…

**Rachel:** I'd actually like it if you told me more…

She knew she was testing her luck, but at this point it was worth a shot, right?

**Shelby:** About?

**Rachel: **Anything.

**Shelby: **Well I saw you again when you were 13. But I stayed out of the way because I didn't want to risk it…your dads were pretty clear about me staying out of your life.

**Rachel:** What was happening?

**Shelby: **Your talent show. A friend of mine had a child in the show as well. She was horrible, but when they introduced you I was awestruck at your talent baby girl.

**Rachel:** …Awe! Well I got it from you. Ms July says I'm practically a carbon copy.

**Shelby: **You were amazing. I snuck out as soon as your performance was over and went back to NYC to try to make something of myself, that way when I was allowed to contact you, you would be proud of me. But that didn't work out, as I came back to Lima and had Jesse give you that tape.

**Rachel:** I've always been proud of you.

**Shelby:** You wanted me to open up…

Shelby's heart thumped but she figured she should just take the advice her daughter gave her and "take a leap of faith". She had never stopped loving Cassandra and she really was planning on contacting Cassie somehow, sometime. Besides, it was impossible to keep anything from Rachel for any period of time…Nervously, she typed,

**Shelby:** …Cassandra and I have a past.

**Rachel:** WHAT?!

**Shelby:** Yes, that's why I don't want to talk about her.

**Rachel:** So…something bad happened in the past?

**Shelby:** Before I cam to Lima the first time.

**Rachel:** …you dated her?

**Shelby:** Yes…before I gave birth to you.

**Rachel:** But it didn't work out?! Why? You two would be the perfect couple! Is she a bitch to nonstudents too?

**Shelby:** Uh, no… you happened.

**Rachel:** and she wanted nothing to do with me. That's why she hates me so much.

**Shelby:** Yes, that is most likely the reason why…I was so depressed that I couldn't get out of bed most days and she tried so hard to make me better but I just couldn't shake it. I NEEDED you, baby girl. So I ended it and told her I had to come back to get you.

**Rachel:** She couldn't deal with it…you ended your happiness for me and now she thinks I'm a life ruiner.

**Shelby:** Not exactly… not necessarily. I went back to her after your talent show and things were better but she was such a heavy drinker…I ruined her. I couldn't deal with the drinking so I left again. That's why I don't want to talk about her.

**Rachel:** So I was RIGHT about her being an alcoholic. I knew she was hung over the other day… don't you still love her?

**Shelby:** I still love her with EVERYTHING in me. But I ruined her life, baby girl.

**Rachel:** You can get her back—I'll help you!

Things were finally starting to make sense to Rachel about her mother's closed off past. There were deep feelings that Shelby had kept shoved down and hidden for years—it wouldn't surprise Rachel if this was the first time she had told anybody about it. She just had so much guilt…

**Shelby:** No… not if she's still a drinker.

**Rachel:** Don't you see? I'm making it worse. Every time she sees me she thinks of you.

**Shelby:** I don't need you to handle my ex-girlfriend, Rachel. I'll send her an email…right now…

**Rachel:** Tell me what it says?

**Shelby:** No…you've done enough baby girl…let me handle this.

**Rachel:** Okay, but I haven't really done anything…

**Shelby:** Yes, you have. You finally got me to open up. Isn't that what you wanted?

**Rachel:** Well…yes…she'll probably answer back right away, I can't imagine she's sleeping on a Saturday night…

**Shelby:** okay

**Rachel:** So…I broke up with Brody.

For a while, Shelby didn't see Rachel's latest update, she had set to writing the email she just promised she'd write. It was now or never, right?

After taking a deep breath, she opened up her account and hit the Compose button before she started to write, with anxious fingers…

Dearest Cassandra,

Hi, baby. It's me. God, how I've missed you…your sweet smile, that beautiful blonde hair and your amazing personality. How you could make me laugh over anything—always found a way to make me smile. I miss the way you used to hold me and kiss me and calm me down even after the most horrible of days or before the most nerve wracking performances.

I'm so sorry, Cassie. I'm sorry I left you…both times…I never stopped loving you; you know that, don't you? Please tell me you know that… I didn't leave because I wanted to.

I'm sorry that I ruined you. I'm sorry that I broke you.

But I want to make it up to you…somehow. Is there any way that I can?

Missing you like crazy…I love my life but I get so lonely…especially without you.

Love you to death.

With the most sincere love,

Shelby

After forcing herself to hit send, she went back to her IM window, where she saw that Rachel's name was flashing. She read it with sad eyes.

**Rachel:** So…I broke up with Brody.

**Shelby:** I heard. Santana told me all about him.

**Rachel:** He's such an ass.

**Shelby:** Yes, he is. You are so much better off without him.

Shelby tapped her keys, feeling uneasy. Cassandra had definitely NOT answered her right back. Maybe it was a bad idea to email her…

**Rachel:** Seriously though, who would do something like that? I mean, why would you sell yourself for money when you have someone who loves you?

Shelby dropped her jaw. _Ouch, Rach._

**Shelby:** I don't know… some people are just idiots.

Rachel seemed to notice her mistake.

**Rachel: **…Mom, I didn't mean it like…

**Shelby:** It's okay, Rach.

**Rachel:** no, it's not…

**Shelby:** But what I did really isn't the same thing. I gave away my baby for money…because you dads needed someone to have you…

**Rachel:** It's just…he hurt me, mama.

**Shelby:** I know he did, baby girl.

**Rachel:** And what irritates me even more is that Santana knew it all along and she TRIED to tell me.

**Shelby:** Well, at least she tried…

Shelby knew all too well the story of Brody—Santana had complained to her about it every Sunday. She had never seen Santana so hurt that Rachel wouldn't listen to her, and she had never seen her so pissed off about something in her life.

**Rachel:** Yeah, but did you really expect me to listen to her? After our past?

**Shelby:** I don't know, honey.

**Rachel:** I mean…he was so perfect. Apparently he was just the college version of Jesse.

Unsure what to say and still fretting because of Cassie's inability to write back fast enough, Shelby just responded, simply, knowing that Rachel would carry on until she go to the point of her rant—which she really wasn't sure of, but she knew it had nothing to do with Brody.

**Shelby:** Yeah…

**Rachel:** Not even Jesse would have stooped so low though, would he? I mean it's not like her loved me or anything, he just got close to me because he was told to…

**Shelby:** No, he wouldn't. Haha, he had too much pride for something like that. But he really did love you. I ruined that too, and I'm sorry.

**Rachel:** Did he love me? He egged me. He broke my heart and killed a bunch of baby chickens. If he loved me he would have come back.

**Shelby:** I know…

**Rachel:** Now no one will dance with me in Cassie's class. I'm lucky she ever let HIM dance with me…

**Shelby:** I'm sure someone will baby girl.

There it was—1 new email. Shelby practically fell out of her chair as she went to read it.

Hey Babe,

I've missed you too—more than I care to admit. I've been a mess, Shelbs, I can't lie to you- but I'm sure you know that. If you didn't hear about my "Crazy Cassandra July" episode I'm sure your daughter told you all about how horrible I am…I doubt the drinks help, but sometimes that's just unavoidable.

I knew she was yours the second I looked at her, and I have to tell you…it hurt. So maybe I push her a bit—it's only because she's got so much potential, you know I wouldn't deliberately wound her…

I never stopped loving you either. Even now, I'm sitting here writing to you and my stomach is doing some sort of Cirque Du Soleil flipping shit that's starting to freak me out. I've got to see you again. Soon. Now? No, not now that seems WAYYY desperate.

You say you're lonely? I am too. Well, I can fix that…. Love you so much,

Cassie

It took Shelby a minute to absorb the information and try to get up the courage to write back. Cassie wasn't pissed? She missed her too? She was flirting already… "Well I can fix that…"…

Her stomach knotted, her heart pounded. She felt like the young girl that Cassie used to make her feel like. She felt like things in her life could be better again—that Cass could make her better.

Cassie,

You think you can fix me? …..Oh really now? ;)

I know you're not hurting Rachel just to hurt her…but you should back off just a little bit before she goes crazy on you—remember who her mother is…

We need to catch up before anything else happens—it's been way too long, baby. How have you been, really?

Rachel says you've been drinking a lot recently…she could tell the other day that you were hung over. You really need to be more careful.

Xo, Shelby

Shelbs,

Yes, Corcoran, I'm well aware whose daughter the girl is.

I know my drinking is a problem. I'm okay though, really.

I need to get some rest—I have rehearsal for half the day tomorrow and I'm sure you do too for something or other. Talk to you later, babe.

Be ready tomorrow at 7.

XoXo, Cass

Shelby's breath caught— "Be ready tomorrow at 7," there her Cassie was back, openly flirting, being completely forward and already insisting on a date. Well of course she was going to go with it—that's what you did, when you were in love with Cassandra July.

Realizing she had been neglecting her daughter, Shelby hurriedly made it back to the IM page and read Rachel's latest quip.

**Rachel:** Now I'm back to dancing in the damn corner. Because as Ms July told me yesterday, I don't have the sex appeal to dance a tango.

**Shelby:** Oh, that should be fixed…she should start being nicer to you…

**Rachel:** Don't do that! You'll make things worse… "Oh, you went and complained to mommy? On Broadway you don't get to stop the show so mommy can hand you a sippy cup."

**Shelby: **No it won't, we've been talking already. I've apologized. We have a date tomorrow night.

**Rachel:** wow, really? That's great, mom. Does that mean she won't be saying anything like "Some people less narcissistic than yourself stay out of their mother's personal lives just so their dance teachers don't kick their asses every day."

**Shelby:** She doesn't know that you talked me into this.

**Rachel:** yet

**Shelby:** I'm not telling her, Rach.

**Rachel:** Okay, but isn't it bad to start a relationship based on half a truth?

**Shelby: **No…and who said we're starting a relationship? We're just having dinner… Besides I didn't do anything but tell her that I missed her and never stopped loving her which isn't a lie or as you said "half the truth".

**Rachel:** so you said I missed you and she said "okay, Corcoran, let's go out".

**Shelby:** …no, she said she missed me too, but if she knows I told anyone that she'll kill me so keep that between us, got it?

**Rachel:** yes, mama.

**Shelby:** Then we just talked about how I'm happy with my life right now but I do get lonely. Then she said "well I can fix that" and I said "oh really now?" and she said "Yes Corcoran. Be ready tomorrow at 7"

**Rachel:** That's so great! She really wants you back again.

**Shelby:** I guess it looks that way, Rach

**Rachel:** …well don't be so excited about it…

**Shelby:** We will see where this goes, okay? Just be happy for me Rach.

**Rachel:** I am happy for you, of course I am.

Rachel chewed on her lower lip, pulling her pillow closer as she glanced at the clock. Already twelve forty-five and Santana still wasn't back from her date with Dani. She had probably just stayed the night with her, but that didn't make Rachel feel any less bad.

…She had been having…feelings…about Santana recently. They were definitely not feelings she wanted anybody to know about—especially since she wasn't even sure she was gay and she didn't know if they were just desperate feelings after Brody and Finn and all of her past bad experiences with guys. But she was so sick of not telling anybody about it—it was eating her alive, and if Shelby was going to open up so much to her, Rach could talk to her too, right? She took a long, deep breath before writing,

**Rachel:** Mom… I need to talk to you about something…

**Shelby: **Okay, baby, what's wrong? I know something's been eating at you…

**Rachel:** …never mind. I thought I could talk about it but I can't…

**Shelby:** No, talk to me.

**Rachel:** It's awkward and pathetic…not even work your time.

**Shelby:** Tell me, Rachel.

**Rachel:** …It's about Santana.

**Shelby:** Okay…

**Rachel:** I…

**Shelby:** Just tell me, Rach!

**Rachel:** Okay… well the other day she was just waltzing around the apartment in nothing but her bra and underwear. WHAT?! She's not the only one that lives here! And who says she can just do that? I mean…that's not okay, because…it just isn't.

Completely stumped as to her daughter's seemingly random outburst, Shelby had to think about the real meaning to that rant for a moment. Finally, she just wrote,

**Shelby:** I don't see the problem here, Rach. She's gay, Kurt's gay, you're straight-Oh my god…I see the problem now.

Why hadn't she thought of it before?!

**Rachel:** DON'T get carried away with your ideas…

**Shelby:** Baby girl, are you gay?

**Rachel:** I…No…I don't…

**Shelby: **It's okay if you are…you know now that I'm into women…I wasn't aware that you knew before, but…

**Rachel:** I just sort of guessed… but, I mean, it's SANTANA.

**Shelby:** Am I that obvious? And so what if it's Santana?

**Rachel:** No, not extremely obvious, it took me a while…and… okay, okay so I might be sort of gay-ish…

**Shelby:** And what?

**Rachel:** and she can't just WALTZ around my apartment with no clothes when I live there too because I think I really like her and I've not really wanted to think about things like that…

**Shelby:** Well, sometimes you have to think about things you don't want to, baby girl.

**Rachel: **Okay, don't just flip my words back at me. She's just…she's hot mom. And her personality…I mean, yeah she can be sort of bitchy sometimes, but can't everybody? And I've loved her like family for years in Glee club but…it feels like something different now…something more.

**Shelby:** Why don't you just tell her?

**Rachel:** ABOSLUTELY NOT!

**Shelby:** Why not?

**Rachel:** BECAUSE SHE'S SANTANA! SHE'LL MURDER ME!

**Shelby: **You don't know that unless you talk to her.

**Rachel:** You don't know HER!

**Shelby:** I know her more than you think…

**Rachel:** What does THAT mean?

_There you go again, Shelby, always saying more than you mean to…now San's gonna kill ME._

Well now that she had nothing else to lose…

**Shelby:** Just that we talk.

**Rachel:** About?

**Shelby:** Stuff.

**Rachel:** Come on, Shelby.

**Shelby:** You, okay? We talk about you.

**Rachel:** ME?!

**Shelby:** There are a grand total of two people in this world that scare me and they are Cassie July and Santana Lopez and here in ONE NIGHT you've made me spill a secret about each of them. Are you trying to get me killed?

**Rachel:** No, I'm not trying to get you killed. I was trying to figure out why Santana is talking about me to my mother. It's just that…she's Santana. I'm dwarf and Hobbit. We have a bad history. Besides, isn't she still in love with Brittany?

**Shelby:** No, she's dating Dani.

**Rachel:** I know that—you can date someone and still love someone else.

_Isn't THAT the truth…_ Shelby shook her head at how scarily good her daughter was at getting information out of her.

**Rachel:** So what happened then? See? She's like Ms July, she doesn't let anyone in and all she ever does in insult me.

**Shelby:** Isn't that all Cassie does to you? Because why? Think, Rachel.

**Rachel:** Because she hates me.

**Shelby:** Be rational—she has no reason to hate you. You remind her of me and she still loves me and she's trying to fight off those feelings…the same thing goes for Santana.

**Rachel:** …that means nothing, they aren't EXACTLY alike, right? San's not an alcoholic.

**Shelby:** Sure she isn't an alcoholic now but give her time and she'll turn into Cassie if she keeps having to harbor hate towards you. She thinks you're straight and therefore can't love her the way she wants you too so she's mean to you so that she can fight away the feelings she really has. You just have to be honest with her, baby girl.

**Rachel:** Now you're just saying a bunch of words to make me go out with her. But we can't, we already LIVE together. How awkward would THAT be?

**Shelby:** That wouldn't be awkward at all, Rach.

**Rachel:** But what if the date went wrong? We would never be able to escape it!

**Shelby:** Just trust me that things will go fine. She really likes you too, Rachel. If you go into it expecting something bad to happen, then something bad WILL happen.

**Rachel:** How did our roles tonight get switched so fast? Wasn't I the one giving YOU relationship advice?

**Shelby:** I'm the mom—this really is my job. Stop being like me and over-thinking shit, Rach just GO for it.

**Rachel:** I DON'T WANT TO JUST COME OUT, I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF I'M GAY.

**Shelby:** Don't yell at me, Rachel Barbra. I'm just trying to help you. I didn't know I was gay until I kissed Cassie for the first time…it was…it was incredible, Rach, and she's the only woman I've ever been gay for—all of my other relationships were with men.

**Rachel:** Really don't want to think about my mom kissing my teacher…even if it is adorable to hear the story…

**Shelby:** Don't change the subject—besides you were trying to hook us up earlier, make up your mind…

**Rachel:** She's just going to be mad I never said anything earlier.

Shelby couldn't help but roll her eyes at her daughter's dramatics.

**Shelby:** San? She'll just have to get over it.

**Rachel:** Right. You wanna be the one to tell her that? What happened to being afraid of her?

**Shelby:** I will then. I admit that I'm sometimes afraid of how she will respond to certain things, but I really think this will make her life. I know that she respects me and she'll listen to me.

**Rachel:** You can't tell her I like her, mama…

**Shelby:** Then you'd better.

**Rachel:** Me?!

**Shelby:** Because you see how well I can keep my mouth shut… you have until I get home tomorrow night…Cass and I are going out at seven.

**Rachel: **YOU CAN'T GIVE ME THAT ULTIMATUM!

**Shelby:** Sundays are when I talk to Santana, Rachel.

**Rachel:** but…but mama…this could affect my entire life.

**Shelby:** it'll be a positive change, Rachel. You never know until you try—you just fed me the same shit about Cassie and now look at us. I'd better either hear from you that she knows or I will have to tell her myself and it may change your life forever…

**Rachel:** ….this really isn't fair. Can't I at least talk to Kurt about it first?

**Shelby:** Yes. So I will give you until next Sunday night.

**Rachel:** Is that my only alternative?

**Shelby:** Take it or leave it, Rach.

**Rachel: **I don't appreciate the RENT reference… :p

**Shelby: ** Of course you did.

**Rachel:** So, I think Kurt and Blaine are secretly dating…again.

**Shelby:** Awe. They make such a cute couple.

**Rachel:** He's trying and failing so badly to hide it…

**Shelby: **Why don't you ask him about it?

**Rachel:** haha okay maybe I will… he's been talking to his body pillow the way he talks to Blaine and he's been on the phone with "someone" for HOURS behind closed doors. OOOH, here he comes I'm going to put this on Mic okay? So you can hear…

**Shelby:** Okay.

Rachel hit the Mic button and motioned Kurt towards her part of the room. "Come here, for a sec."

He trotted towards her with a smile on his face. "What's up, Rach?"

"…I have a confession to make—I know you're dating Blaine again. I know it was him you were just talking to."

Kurt dropped his jaw in denial, doing a horrible job of lying when he protested, "I'm not dating Blaine, and I wasn't talking to him either!"

"Oh, really?" Rachel scoffed. From Shelby's position in her chair in her bedroom, Shelby laughed, unplugging her laptop and taking it to her bed, getting comfortable, aware that this night would last longer than she expected it to. "Who is it, then?" she heard Rachel ask.

"Someone new," Kurt said with force.

"Really? What's his name?

"….Carter."

"It's okay, Kurt. You don't have to lie to us," Shelby finally speaks up.

Kurt's face turns beet red and he frowns. "That's not fair, pitting two against one like this." He checks the clock. "Santana seems to be having fun on her date…she left hours ago…" then he sighs, "Okay, okay, Berry. I KNOW your nosy mother put you up to this…"

Shelby dropped her jaw, sounding an "UH!" of protest.

"I confess," Kurt spoke again. "I went back to Blaine. But that means, Rachel, that you have to tell me what you're hiding…"

Rachel's heart sped up. She knew that her mother would be expecting her to tell Kurt now, but she couldn't get herself to say anything—this little bit of news could change everything and she liked things the way they were—except for the fact that Santana was off on an excruciatingly long date with Dani.

"Who me? I'm not hiding anything. Open book, you know me," she glanced back down at her laptop, casually.

"Rach," Kurt put a hand on his hip. "Come on."

Shelby sat at her computer silently, not wanting to interfere such an important moment. She prayed Kurt would get Rachel to crack.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Kurt."

Shelby, before Kurt could say anything else, rushed to her kitchen to fill up her tea. When she got back she blew on the cup and swallowed some of it, careful not to burn herself.

"Rachel. Les-be-honest."

"What?!"

Shelby set her cup down and covered her mouth, trying to hide a laugh and hoping Rachel didn't hear it. She knew she was horrible, but it was just Kurt's tone of voice…he always knew just what to say to catch people off guard. Shelby was definitely not expecting that of all things to come out of his mouth.

"I see the way you look at her," Kurt continued.

"At who?"

"Cassandra…"

"CASSANDRA?!"

Shelby, who was halfway through getting a huge gulp of tea, started choking on it, spitting it all over her blankets in front of her and hitting her hand to her chest, trying to get her breathing to go back to normal.

"It's okay, Rach," Kurt said sympathetically. "I won't tell anyone."

"Kurt, I—I don't like Cassandra, she's my—"

"Your sexy as hell teacher—don't worry, Rach, she has that affect on everyone. Have you seen her abs?"

Shelby tried not to think about Cassie's abs—which were fantastic—there was a serious situation here!

"Kurt, no! I don't like Cassandra, it's not like that!"

"TELL HIM, RACHEL," Shelby choked out from her position, still trying to clear her throat all the way. This yell went unheard by Kurt and ignored by Rachel.

"That's not my secret! KURT, GET BACK HERE! KURT! I DON'T LIKE MS JULY! MOM, HE'S GONE! YOU CAN'T JUST LEAVE THE APARTMENT AFTER A CONVERSATION LIKE THAT! WHERE THE HELL IS HE GOING TO GO AT ONE IN THE MORNING?!"

Shelby had finally gotten her breath back and whispered, "Oh my god…"

At that moment, Santana walked through the door. Apparently she hadn't stayed with Dani for the night…

"Hey, Hobbit, whatcha doing?" she wondered, looking disgustingly giddy for Santana—Rachel assumed the worst had happened with her and Dani—the worst for Rachel, anyways, though Santana probably enjoyed it thoroughly.

"Nothing, just…nothing." Rachel was still trying to process what Kurt now thought was going on between her and her teacher.

"Well that's not suspicious…" Santana threw her purse down onto the couch and walked towards Rachel.

"I'm just…talking to Shelby…"

"Oh, hey Shelbs," Santana said into the mic.

"Hey, San…"

"So what are you guys talking about?" Santana leaned over Rachel's shoulder, trying to read the past conversation but Rachel freaked and covered her screen.

"None of your business, Santana," she didn't mean to spit so furiously back but Santana equally reciprocated quickly.

"Jesus, dwarf, chill."

"Tell her, Rach," Shelby warned.

Rachel glared at her computer, as if her mother could feel the heated anger of her glance through the screen. She didn't talk to Kurt about it! Not the right secret!

"What's the matter, Rach?" Santana continued. "Afraid I'll see that you're talking to mommy about mean old Ms Cassie July? Scared I might tell Crazy July that you complain to mommy about her?"

"TELL HER, RACHEL," Shelby raised her voice and Santana raised an eyebrow, assuming that she just meant to tell her about their conversation.

"That's not what we're talking about, Santana," Rachel's voice got quieter.

"Rachel," Shelby practically scolded.

"Tell me what?" Santana's interest was officially perked and she crossed her arms.

Rachel got scared and defensive—when Santana had crossed her arms, her low V-neck suddenly made parts of the girl's chest clearly visible. Her mouth went dry and she didn't know how to react. "Will you please just stay out of my face?!" she said.

"Fine! I'll be here, whenever you decide to FINALLY THANK ME for getting rid of your man whore."

"WE AGREED NOT TO BRING UP BRODY IN THIS HOUSE AGAIN, EVER." Rachel screamed, not thinking before doing anymore.

"YOU AGREED THAT WITH LADY HUMMEL, I SAID NO SUCH THING LITTLE MISS DAVID SCHWIMMER."

From behind her computer, Shelby shook her head disappointingly, leaving her room to get a new comforter and put her newly tea covered one in the wash. When she returned, she heard Rachel say,

"Only Ms July can call me that!"

"No," Santana smirked. "I like it. It's catchy."

"Santana, you KNOW how much the woman hates me."

"Good, maybe I can take a few pages out of her book."

"Oh my GOD." Shelby said from her bedroom into her microphone. "Enough! Santana, Rachel…"

The girls went silent and Shelby admitted to Santana, if to do anything but change the subject,

"I have a date with Cassie tomorrow night…"

"Oh?" Santana grinned, knowing how long Shelby had been wanting to get back together with her. "Hot, Shelbs. Why couldn't Berry have just SAID that instead of making a big fucking deal out of everything? I swear she doesn't get her dramatics from you…"

"Yes she does," Shelby laughs. "You should have seen the conversation leading up to that."

"NO, she shouldn't have." Rachel practically choked.

Shelby laughed lightly. If only Rachel understood that being gay wasn't as big of a deal as she seemed to think it was.

"Oooh, let me at it," Santana reached over Rachel's shoulder and Rachel practically shoved her back.

"Santana would you please just leave me alone? Wait until tomorrow night to talk to Shelby—this is my night."

Shelby spoke up, "It was just me being a closed off bitch and refusing to let Rachel in. She didn't know about my past with Cass…" she filled Santana in on half of the story.

"How do you know I have a night to talk to Shelbs, Hobbit?" Santana turned on Rachel.

"I told her, San." Shelby sighed. "And please stop calling her "hobbit"."

"Oh, so do you tell her EVERYTHING?"

"No, will you calm down? We'll talk tomorrow night…"

Santana pushed a piece of hair behind her ear and rolled her eyes, crossing her arms again. Rachel's eyes widened, unsure which part of Santana to look at before realizing that if she didn't want San to know, she really shouldn't look at her at all.

"Fine, whatever. I'm going to bed. Later, Schwimmer."

"Quit being so bitchy, Santana Marie," Shelby warned.

Rachel smiled at Santana's full name—it was really pretty and she had never known it before. "Your middle name is Marie?" it was so close to Maria—the lead character in one of Rachel's favorite musicals, West Side Story.

"Thanks, C. Great to know I can talk to you."

"Santana…tomorrow." Shelby made her voice stern and she knew that Santana would respect her after that. The girl was hard to control, but Shelby was slowly learning how to do it.

"….yes, okay, we'll talk tomorrow."

Santana left the room and Rachel caught herself watching as she left, her extremely short dress teasing and unfair. She glared back down at the floor, cursing herself.

"Baby girl, I'm going to go to bed too. I have a big day tomorrow-well, actually I guess it's today now. I love you. Have sweet dreams."

"I love you too, mama. Goodnight."

Rachel shut her computer and curled up in her bed, staring at the ceiling and thinking about her options. In truth, she didn't have any. Kurt thought she was in love with her teacher, her mom knew she was in love with her roommate and old enemy, and claimed that she was liked by her too. Things were slowly turning into one big mess.

Shelby re-made her bed and pulled herself under the covers, closing her laptop and pushing it off to the side. She had a date with Cassie "tonight". Cassie. The woman she had been in love with since forever—the one whose heart she broke—the one she could never stop thinking about—the one she had been losing sleep over. She didn't know what to do with herself—she still couldn't sleep.


	2. July Will Make You Crazy

A/N: Just a reminder….not all of the chapters will have a lot of the IM format. This will be it for a while. :) enjoy! –hayleynymphodora and DefyGravity09

Ch. 2: July Will Make You Crazy

Shelby ran around her house, freaking out about the reconnection she was about to have with Cassandra. At least that's the way she saw it…a reconnection. _This isn't a date, Shelby. You haven't seen her in years_" she told herself sternly. She didn't want to get her hopes too high.  
She walked into her closet to start the process of finding an outfit. It didn't take too long; she bought a dress years before in case she ever met someone special. It was a short, deep purple, tight fitting dress. It hugged her curves in all the right places. She paired it with a pair of grey pumps. Happy with her decision, she went to take a shower, catching herself humming a familiar tune as she did so. It took her a moment to place the song, "Fire" by Bruce Springsteen; it had always been her and Cassie's song. She smiled to herself as she turned the water off and got out.  
Shelby wrapped her towel around her and pulled out her blow dryer and curling iron. After plugging the curling iron in, she began blow drying her long brown locks. She added a few curls and brushed them out after they cooled to add some wave to her hair. Then she began tackling her makeup. She decided to go for a smoky eye with a hint of purple to match her dress. It really brought out those gorgeous green eyes that Cassie had always loved. After putting on her dress and giving herself a once over in the mirror, Shelby made her way to the living room to make sure she had everything she would need in her purse.  
About 15 minutes later, right at 7pm, there was a knock at the door. Shelby took a breath and went to open the door. The sight in front of her took her back to the old days. Cassie still looked the same. She was in a tight ass black dress, sleeveless showing off her dancer arms. Her hair was perfectly straight and makeup was very natural. She was gorgeous. Shelby smiled, grabbed her purse from the table by the door, and stepped out into the hallway.  
"Hello, Gorgeous." Cassandra said once they were walking towards the elevator.  
Shelby couldn't contain the blush that rushed to her face. "Hey, Cassie."  
Inside the car, (Cassie hired a driver for the night), Shelby realized she still had no idea where they were going.  
"Cass, where are you taking me?"  
"Let it be a surprise, Corcoran. Just trust me, okay?" Shelby nodded and looked out the window, hoping to figure it out-she wasn't good with surprises. A moment later she felt a hand reach over and grab hers. Startled, she turned to Cassandra who had a smile on her face. "I've missed you, Shelbs."  
Shelby returned the smile and squeezed the hand in hers. "I've missed you too, Cass."  
The rest of the car ride was silent. Then, "We're here. Come on." Shelby looked around and realized she was in Central Park.  
"I thought we were going to dinner, Cassandra." Shelby said, feeling a little worried.  
"We are, babe. Trust me. Come on." Cassie reached out her hand which Shelby took.  
"Now, I know you were probably expecting a dinner at some big restaurant like Sardis or The View, but we don't have a past there. I am taking you somewhere that is special for us." Just as Cassie finished speaking, they arrived at the destination. Shelby was in awe of everything. Cassie had a candle lit in the middle of a table, two wine glasses and a bottle of Shelby's favorite wine, Pinot Noir. She had taken Shelby to the Gapstow Bridge, the place where they first met. That's where they shared their first kiss, and their last kiss: the day Shelby left Cassie. This was always their spot. They went there for everything—every serious talk they ever had, happened there, on that bridge. Shelby turned to Cassandra with tears glistening her eyes.  
"It's beautiful, Cass."  
"I know, right? I thought this was a perfect spot for us to reconnect."  
"You are very right. And look at the view of the city from here…"  
They ate in silence, but it wasn't an awkward silence. They were letting things soak in.  
After dinner, which was served by a waiter that had perfect timing and was a god send for making himself disappear, the women decided to take a stroll along the pathway.  
"Shelby I am sorry I drove you away. I have been getting better. For you." Cassie said after a while.  
"Oh, Cass. You have to get better for you, not for me. But I am sorry that I caused you to start drinking. I am so sorry."  
"I guess we are both to blame, huh? Truce?" Cassie stopped and held out her hand for Shelby to shake on it.  
Shelby shook her head and smiled before grabbing Cassie's hand and pulling her into a very desperate, passionate kiss that they only pulled away from when they needed air. "Truce."  
"Shit, I would hope so after that. Damn, that was hot Shelbs." Cassie said, before pulling the brunette in for another kiss. They walked back to the car, Cassie's arm around Shelby's waist and Shelby resting her head on Cassandra's shoulder.  
Once back at Shelby's apartment, Cassie got out of the car and opened Shelby's door.  
"Well, aren't you going to walk me up?" Shelby asked, trying to be seductive.  
"No, I don't think that's a very good idea. Plus you know me, Shelbs," Cassie said, pulling Shelby close so she could whisper the next part, "I don't make love on the first date." She smiled to herself when she realized that she did in fact send shivers up Shelby's body. She pecked Shelby on the cheek before heading back to the car, but not before saying, "Good night, Shelby. Sweet Dreams." And adding a wink for good measure.

It had been 2 hours since she got home from her date and Shelby still felt shivers go down her spine. Her lips still held a slight smile that just didn't seem to want to disappear, and she was radiant. Yes, she had been acknowledging the fact that it was in fact a date more than a reconnection. After that hot passionate kiss and sexy talk afterwards how could she not?  
She slipped into pajama pants and a tank top before crawling under her soft covers and pulling them close to her and opening up her laptop to sign in with Santana. She knew she was a little late, but Santana would just get over it.

**Santana:** Hey, C.

**Shelby:** Hey, San

**Santana: **So…based on this late hour I can assume your date went…well?

Shelby blushed from behind her screen, thinking about what Santana was obviously insinuating.

**Shelby:** Nothing like THAT happened…she "doesn't make love on the first date".

**Santana:** Ah. And you were disappointed by this?  
**Shelby:** Just leave it be, San!

**Santana:** You tell me almost everything and you're not going to tell me why she didn't put out? Like she hasn't with you before?!

**Shelby:** Tonight was special! She took me to our place and it was very romantic—she knows how to get my attention. I do worry about her drinking though…

**Santana:** She's an alcoholic, Shelbs, she can't just put it down, ya know? She needs help.

**Shelby:** Yes, and she needs to let me help her…or at least show me she's attempting to get better…anyways, how was your day?

**Santana:** Eh, it was a day.

**Shelby:** Uh oh, that doesn't sound too promising…

**Santana:** Rachel's been flipping out all morning and it's REALLY getting on my last damn nerve.

**Shelby:** Why is she freaking out?

**Santana:** She and Kurt keep arguing about something…I wouldn't know what, because like Medusa I try to avoid eye contact with both of them and have been ignoring about half of what they're saying (not like they'd talk to me anyways), but I think it has to do with your girlfriend.

**Shelby:** Oh…okay.

**Santana:** You don't deny that she's your girlfriend?

"Damn it, San. You always hit me when I least expect it," Shelby rolled her eyes and typed…

**Shelby:** Shit…you tricked me into that one. Rachel made Kurt admit that he was talking to Blaine again.

**Santana:** Ahh. So what's this have to do with July?

**Shelby:** So, he swears that Rachel really has a crush on my Cassie.

**Santana:** Haha what? Well fuck, we don't know, maybe she does…

**Shelby:** No, she doesn't. Trust me.

**Santana:** You sure? Could be why she's so stuttery around her…and why she talks about her NONSTOP.

**Shelby:** She is tired of the way Cass treats her…

**Santana:** Could be why July treats her worse than I do…you sure Cassie's who you think she is?

**Shelby:** San, stop it. Rachel doesn't like Cass and Cass doesn't like Rach. Cassie was taking her anger at me out on Rachel. I left her the first time because of Rachel. You know that story; don't pretend to forget it now just because you're jealous.

**Santana:** Shit, C. I didn't think about that…

**Shelby:** I told Rachel the whole story last night…seeing her when she was seven and then again at thirteen…

**Santana:** Wow, what'd Berry have to say to all of that craziness?

**Shelby:** Well…nothing. I just keep fucking up.

**Santana:** Is THAT why she's been so freaky all day? God, it's like I can't do a god damned thing in this apartment anymore… and you're not a fuck up, C.

**Shelby:** When it comes to Rachel, I am

**Santana:** Everything was her dads' fault, not yours.

**Shelby:** I thought she would be happy to know that I was there, but she said, and I quote, "I don't know what to say to that." And then changed the subject.

**Santana:** Berry speechless? Never thought I'd see the day.

**Shelby: **Ha.

**Santana:** Definitely something I'd pay to see in the flesh…

**Shelby:** Not nice, San.

**Santana:** Damn her and Kurt breaking out into song every two seconds. SHIT I SAY SOMETHING AND THEY DO IT? WHAT THE HELL? Ugh.

**Shelby:** I just want us to be okay. I mean, shit, one day she's all needy and wants me to be open with her, and then she gets all weird and backs off. I don't know what to do anymore. Sorry about the songs…that's my fault. It's the Broadway in us.

**Santana:** The moodiness is just how Berry is. Trust me, C. I KNOW this drama queen and all that she's capable of.

**Shelby:** I guess.

Shelby stared at her ceiling, trying not to feel so low. Moments later, Santana responded,

**Santana:** She used to be like that with Mr. Schue. She does it to people she looks up to. One second she's all over you with excitement and want, then she's like "Oh wait, I'm pissed at you cuz you didn't give me a solo".

**Shelby: **Haha, well that's good, I guess.

**Santana:** It's petty. She'll get over it.

**Shelby:** Yeah, well…we'll see.

**Santana:** Not like the rest of us ever got solos. Did WE overreact? Well, only Asian…

**Shelby:** Now now, Santana. Be nice…

**Santana:** And there was that one time Britt-Britt and I got our Britney on… you know I'm not nice. Think of where I come from.

**Shelby:** Lima Heights Adjacent, yeah yeah yeah I know…

**Santana:** :p fuck you too.

**Shelby:** haha better be glad I know that is code for "I love you".

**Santana:** yeah, yeah. :p

**Shelby:** So…you still with Dani?

**Santana:** Yeah

**Shelby:** Do you love her?

**Santana:** Just went on a date with her tonight, actually. What do you mean do I love her?

**Shelby:** Do you see yourself with her for a long time?

**Santana:** I mean, yeah, I guess. I'm not used to that yet… you know I'm more of a one-night-stand kind of girl, it's a miracle Dani and I have lasted this long.

**Shelby:** Right

**Santana:** The only other girl I've been with for so long is Britt-Britt….I did love Britt. But I think Dani really cares about me, C.

**Shelby:** I am extremely proud of you, San. I know you don't like this mushy shit, but still…get over it. You have really turned your life around. You are a wonderful person, Santana Marie Lopez. I couldn't be prouder to be a part of your life.

**Santana:** Awe, shit, C. Don't make me get all teary eyed and don't go all therapist on me, come on now…

**Shelby:** I said sorry…

**Santana:** Yeah, well…

**Shelby:** Anyway, I have to get to bed…rehearsal tomorrow.

**Santana:** Okay.

**Shelby:** Have a good night, San.

**Santana:** Night, C.

Shelby logged off of the chat room and snapped her computer shut, setting it to the side and running her hands through her long brown hair with a wide yawn, curling up into a ball under her covers and getting comfortable. Not five seconds later, Shelby's phone vibrated on the bed next to her, lighting up "1 new text message".

She unlocked her screen and smiled widely, her whole body warming up and a blush rising to her cheeks. The text was from Cassandra.

*Hey babe. You awake still or do I need to let you rest?*

With a grin, completely forgetting what she had to do the next day and how exhausted she felt, she wrote back,

*I'm awake, baby. What's up?*

*Not much…just thinking about you and had to talk to you again sooner.*

*I know, I miss you already, too.*

After a pause in their conversation—a time during which Shelby's heart pounded waiting for a response, she read,

*Well you don't have to miss me too much…come by my class tomorrow?*

With a sigh, Shelby forced herself to type, *I can't tomorrow, I have rehearsal…Tuesday?*

*Tuesday it is. ;) so what are you up to, anyways?*

*Lying in bed, talking to you.*

*Mmm…thinking of me?*

*You could say that… ;)*

*And what, may I wonder, are you thinking about me?*

*Hmm. I think I'll keep that a secret.*

*Oh, will you now? Okay, okay, I see how it is. I take you out on the best date you've had since you dated me last, and you repay me by not telling me your dirty little thoughts?*

Shelby had to laugh, lightly.

*Oh, I'll make sure I pay you back later, make no mistake…*

*Hmm is this you making a promise?*

*This is me making you excited*

*Tease*

*I've learned from the best*

Cassandra was sprawled across her king bed on her stomach, smirking as she texted the woman she had been wanting to text again for years. She wrapped her blanket around her and tried not to shiver at the thought of Shelby "paying her back later" whatever THAT was supposed to mean. Shelby was always a tease though—she never meant anything serious until things were really serious again. And that, Cassandra could wait for, if it was what Shelby really wanted. That didn't mean she couldn't have a little fun with her now though.

*Yes you have, my dear. In more ways than one. I was your first woman, if I remember correctly?*

Shelby's blush grew as she wrote back,

*My one and only…*

*Oh, so I've really taught you EVERYTHING you know…*

*Now now, Cassandra, let's not get cocky. I can recall some things I did that caught you completely off guard…*

*Mmm and would you care to remind me of those things?*

Shelby took extra long to answer for dramatic affect before simply putting,

*Nope. I'm going to let you think about it on your own. I have to get some sleep now, baby. Rehearsal in the morning and I know you have classes. Goodnight, Cassie.*

*Goodnight, Shelbs. Sleep well, and hey—I love you.*

*I love you too*

And she did. No matter what she ever tried to tell herself after she left—that she wasn't gay, that she loved Will or that her fling with Puck felt better than anything with Cassie—those were all lies. Because she loved Cassandra July.


	3. Ain't it Shocking What Love Can Do?

**We're proud to present Chapter 3!**

**Tell us what you think so far! You know, questions, comments, or concerns and the like.**

**With love, Defygravity09 and hayleynymphadora**

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Ch.3 Ain't it Shocking What Love Can Do?

Shelby sat up in her bed and stretched with a yawn, turning to her clock. She didn't have rehearsal until later on that night, and she didn't have to go into the day care because she had put her most loyal worker in charge. It wasn't often that she ever went to the day care anymore—she occasionally went in to check up on things, and she paid them of course, but most days she had rehearsal for upcoming performances—her biggest income.

With a wince, she cracked her knuckles, back, and neck. She was really tight and realized she must have just slept wrong. It was nothing some yoga couldn't fix. After going through her daily yoga routine, she dressed in dark, tight skinny jeans, black boots, and her black leather jacket over a white tank top. She was in one of those kinds of moods, and it was Tuesday, which meant that she was going to go see Cassie. She really had to talk to Cassie about her drinking problem—dressing in leather was a safe bet that Cassie would at least pay attention, if not listen wholeheartedly.

Grabbing her keys and her cell and her bag, she walked out the door, about to head to the subway station before just sighing and walking the 6 blocks to the studio. After seeing Cassandra's sexy little figure a couple of nights before, she was feeling like she needed to form up a bit more.

The whole way there she worried about how she was going to bring this up to Cassandra. She knew the woman would not want to talk about it, especially not anywhere near her students. _So I guess I'll have to wait until her class is over…will she wait that long for you? I think she would…I hope she would..._ She just felt so bad that she had been the cause of this. The guilt of it was eating her alive and she knew she had to make things right and she intended to.

With a sudden thought, she checked the time on her phone and groaned. Of course she had to wake up and walk into Cass's studio in the same time slot as Rachel's class. Now how was she going to avoid Rachel's constant pleading with her? Didn't Rachel understand that it was hard enough to feel sane enough to go on a date with Cassie, let alone come into her studio to see her so early in the morning because she already hated being away from her for too long. She realized she never told Rachel how their date went, and she would likely hound her with questions the second she saw her. Of course, Shelby could always retaliate with "Have you told Santana you love her yet?" She also realized she hadn't really been fair, talking to Santana the night before, asking about Dani, but she knew that had she said anything more about the subject, Santana would've gotten suspicious and Shelby wouldn't have been able to keep her mouth shut, and then Rachel would be pissed, and the relationship they had been trying so desperately to have would have been destroyed.

After reaching the college and taking a final deep breath, she opened the doors and made her way to Cassandra's studio. She walked through the door to find Cassie clapping her hands together quickly and instructing, her back turned to Shelby. She swayed her hips to the music, her body only covered by a thin piece of black fabric that she called a leotard, with the sleeves hanging off her shoulders, and black fish net stockings. She stomped down a heeled shoe to the beat,

"And 5-6-7-8 you," she pointed to a student who promptly took Cassie by the hands and spun her in a certain way, pulling her into the air by her arms and dropping her clumsily, however she still landed gracefully.

"Fine, but a better fall next time, and 5-6-7-8 you!" she commanded of the next student who did better than the first but not by much.

"What the hell?!" Cassie said forcefully. "Did I not teach you freshies how to drop a woman the right way? 5-6-7-8 YOU," another did the exact same thing that she just criticized. She had yet to realize Shelby was in the room, very focused on her teaching. With a growl, she walked sassily over towards the corner, where Brody Weston, her teacher's assistant, was standing with his arms crossed.

"Brody get your ass over here," she commanded, dragging him towards her. With widened eyes, Shelby watched her daughter (who had waved lightly in Shelby's direction when she walked in), glare in pure loathing. Seeming to know exactly how to show off, Brody picked Cassandra up by her waist, causing Shelby to blush—touching Cassie's waist was HER job—and flipped her over his shoulder before lightly, gracefully, setting her down on the floor as she went into a split. Shelby's stomach tightened as she watched Cassandra move like that—it had been too long since she'd seen Cassie dance—but she had to remind herself what she was in the studio to do. She had to talk to Cassie about her drinking problem—she wasn't there to stare at her while she danced with Rachel's man whore ex boyfriend.

"Hey, Cassie," Shelby finally spoke up, softly, from the corner of the room she was standing in. Cassandra spun her head around, her face lighting up.

"Hey, babe!" she beamed, snapping her fingers with her arms in the air. A freshman boy ran to her aid and helped her out of her position. She made her way over to Shelby and restrained from kissing her or touching her in some way before saying, "What's up?" she fixed her long blonde hair and pulled it down over her shoulders—it had gotten messy from the flip that she did, which Shelby had admittedly found extremely attractive, but…all the same…

"Cass," Shelby gave a sad smile. "Baby, we really need to talk..."

Some of the kids dropped their gazes to the ground. Rachel whistled a low tune and Cassandra raised an eyebrow. "Oh? Well shit…Whatever I did, I didn't do it…"

"No, it's not bad; you're not in trouble or anything…"

"Oh, okay…" Cassandra bit her lip questioningly and Shelby held back a swoon at the expression on her face.

Shelby laughed, lightly, "It's okay baby…" she looked around at the other students and whispered, "Maybe somewhere a little more private?" knowing fully well that if any of these students heard what Shelby came to talk to her about, she would never live it down.

"Mmm," Cass raised an eyebrow seductively. "And what did you have in mind?"

Her voice almost shaking, Shelby answered with a smirk, "Mind out of the gutter, Cassandra,"

The blonde grinned and tilted her head back with a light laugh. "Worth a shot," she winked before adding, "We can talk in Xavier's room, just down the hall. He's in a "conference"," she quoted with her fingers and took Shelby by the arm, leading her there. She called to her students behind her to continue practicing lifts in pairs.

Rachel watched, cheekily, as her mother left the room with her dance teacher, basically hip to hip. People in the class started murmuring about how they didn't know Cassandra was gay but that it was hot, and Rachel rolled her eyes and paired up with a boy she didn't know as she let him throw her in the air and drop her back down clumsily.

Once Shelby and Cassandra made it to Xavier's studio, Cass turned around to face Shelby, a look of concern on her face. "Alright, what's this all about, babe?"

Shelby took a long, shaky breath. "You know how much I love you, right? It's always been you."

Cassandra's voice grew softer, as her heart and mind recognized there was no one else around besides Shelby—her wall started to fall. "Of course, Shelby, tell me what's wrong."

Shelby took Cassie's hands passionately in her own and pulled her body closer, insisting, "I need you to get help, Cass." Her voice was soft and gentle; that of a lover.

Cassandra dropped Shelby's soft, perfect-fitting hands, and took a step back. Her wall slowly started to rise again. "Haha," she laughed. "Help? You're delusional, Shelbs. I don't need help…"

"Cassie," Shelby's voice broke—she was so serious and Cassandra knew that, but it hurt to think of serious things, so she ignored the guilty stab in her gut. "Don't do this, please,"

Shelby's plea broke Cassandra's heart but she continued to deny anything was happening. "Don't do what, Corcoran?"

"Don't push me away. I want this to work this time, Cassie, and I can't do it if you always have to be drunk."

Cassandra got defensive immediately, crossing her arms over her chest. "I am not ALWAYS drunk, I just need a little something every once in a while to…take the edge off!" she moved her arms while she spoke to show emphasis in her actions.

Shelby nodded her head slowly, knowing she needed to be cautious with this subject—she had to be gentle but not overbearing. "Okay…well I would believe that if I didn't know you. Shit, you smell of booze right now. Plus you already have me back, baby, I'm not going anywhere this time… isn't that enough to make you stop? Isn't that what you wanted?"

"That's Listerine!" Cassandra lied through her teeth as she rolled her eyes. "And yes, of COURSE I want you. I've always wanted you, and I wouldn't be here if I didn't, babe." Cassandra turned away from Shelby, running her hands through her hair.

"Then you HAVE to get help, July. Please, show me how much this—how much I—mean to you." Shelby reached out and took Cassandra hand, spinning her around to face her.

"Corcoran, you can't do this," Cassandra whined, looking into those deep green eyes of Shelby's, remembering all of the times they had together—the secret meetings at the bridge, the cutting class just to see each other, the lying in bed all day just talking and holding each other—God, she wanted it back so badly… "Don't you love me? I'm OKAY I promise—why can't you just take my word for it?"

"I just did this to you," Shelby answered, tears threatening to fill her eyes but she forced them back, harshly, scolding herself. "I am doing this because I love you. If you chose to get help, I will be by your side every step of the way. If you don't get help, well then…I won't be by your side at all." It killed her to even attempt to speak the words, and her voice nearly broke as she did it. She had just gotten her back…she couldn't lose her this time. "It's your choice…" she finished quietly, spinning on the spot and turning to walk away.

Cassandra watched in horror as the love of her life got ready to walk out the door. It wouldn't have been the first time, and a rush of memories came flooding to the surface.

**Shelby had woken up at three in the morning to find Cassie at her side, half naked and half asleep.**

** "What the hell are you doing?!" she exclaimed. "You're drunk, Cassandra. You're drunk AGAIN."**

** "It's not my fault you've been so high strung since you popped out your kid, let lose a little, jesus, C…" Cassie managed not to slur her words, and grinned wickedly. She beckoned Shelby near her. "Come here, have some fun with me…"**

** She kissed Shelby's neck lightly and Shelby forced herself to push away.**

** "No. Not when you're like this."**

** "Shelby, babe, you need to relax, and I know just how to take care of all of that tension in your system…"**

** "STOP CASSANDRA." Shelby's voice grew forceful as she pulled herself out of Cassie's bed and headed for the door of the apartment. "I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE."**

** "GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE, CORCORAN!" Cassie ran towards her, pleadingly but angrily. "WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU GOING? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!"**

** "YOU. YOU'RE WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME," Shelby yelled, grabbing her things and heading for the door. "I should've left a long time ago…" she mumbled, furious.**

** "Then WHY DIDN'T YOU?! What's stopping you?!" Cassandra almost tripped while walking towards Shelby, half tempted to strike the bitch across the face. This wouldn't be the first time Shelby had left and she knew that sooner or later it was going to happen this time around.**

** "I love you," tears streamed down Shelby's face. "I LOVE YOU Cassandra, don't you get that? Don't you understand?! Why can't you love me too?"**

** "I do love you! Don't pretend like I didn't know you've had one foot out the door since day one, just WAITING for me to fuck up again so you have an excuse to leave. DON'T LEAVE ME this time. We're not broken! We can fix this!"**

** "HOW?!" Shelby asked incredulously, putting her hands on her head and rubbing her temples. Cassandra took her by the arms and held her up against the back wall. Shelby's voice grew softer. "Are you going to stop this? Are you going to stop drinking?"**

** Cassandra shook violently, her heart torn in two. Didn't Shelby understand it was a part of her now? Didn't she get that she didn't know how? "I..I can't, babe…I just can't."**

** "You won't, is what you really mean. Goodbye, Cassandra." Shelby ripped herself away from Cassie's grasp and walked away. "It's nice to see what importance I have in your life. Amazing how you sorted out your priorities. I gave you a choice…"**

** "SHELBY!" She picked up the first thing she could find—a big glass vase full of roses that Shelby had bought her a few days earlier—and threw it at the door with all of her strength just as Shelby slammed it shut behind her.**

** It crashed loudly to the floor, scattering glass everywhere. Cassandra didn't care. She ran through the broken glass—it broke through the skin on her feet as she opened the door and yelled after her, "I FUCKING LOVE YOU. YOU CAN'T JUST LEAVE AGAIN. SHELBY KIMBERLY CORCORAN! PLEASE!" **

** Shelby ignored her and kept walking.**

** Cassandra knew she was powerless to stop her. Her feet bled and she knew she wouldn't be able to dance for a solid week, which meant she would ultimately fail her dance midterm.**

** She didn't care. All she ever wanted was Shelby. And now she was gone.**

Cassandra forced herself away from the terrible memory. It was too soon now, to give up on this for all the same reasons. Cassandra's voice trembled and shattered as she shouted at Shelby, "DON'T WALK AWAY FROM ME AGAIN, CORCORAN, PLEASE! YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME AGAIN."

Shelby's heart split—she could literally feel it tearing—at the sound of Cassandra—strong willed, smart ass, I can do anything, I have no heart, Cassandra—shatter and break in front of her—over her. She absolutely could not believe the affect she was having on the woman—the woman who never showed emotion about anything, and the one who was always joking around, never serious about anything. She froze at the door. The feeling that all of this was her fault was unbearable—she knew she couldn't continue to walk out, even if she tried.

"Please," Cassandra said again. "You know I don't beg unless I truly mean it. Shelby, you know me."

The tears that Shelby had cast away were finally exploring the surface of her face. She sniffed and wiped one away, her back still to Cassandra. "What are you saying?" she whispered.

Cassandra strutted towards Shelby and spun the woman around, pulling her up against her body; giving the brunette shivers in places she didn't know she could shiver. Shelby tried her best to ignore the sensation.

"I'm saying," Cass rolled her eyes. "Fine. FINE I'll go to a meeting. Because I DO love you. So much. And if a meeting is what it takes to prove it to you, then damn it, Corcoran…"

"No," Shelby's voice grew stronger. "You have to complete the twelve step process. One meeting isn't going to do anything for you."

"Twelve fucking steps? You've got to be kidding me…"

"Take it or leave it, Cassandra."

Cass crossed her arms self consciously.

"Going once,"

Cassandra shrugged. "Do I have any other choice?"

"Going twice,"

Cassandra closed the gap between them with her mouth; a soft peck on Shelby's lips to keep her silent. "Fine."

"…really?" Shelby pulled back only far enough to speak—their lips still brushed when either of them said anything.

Cassandra's voice softened. "Really."

Shelby let out a breath. "Thank god…"

Laughing lightly, Cassandra softly took Shelby's hand in hers. "So when's this first meeting?"

"Next Tuesday."

"So soon?"

"Yes."

After sighing dramatically, Cass said, "Fine," and placed a tender kiss on Shelby's neck. "I have to go teach your daughter how to dance."

Shelby smiled and kissed Cassandra's lips, softly. "Be nice."

Cassandra backed away and winked, "Mmm. Maybe."

"I mean it, Cass. Please be nicer to her. I know that you have a method of teaching, but you're breaking the poor girl. Don't bully her—teach her."

Cassandra, who was swaying her hips teasingly as she went to leave the room, stopped at the door when she heard Shelby's voice. "Well you're very…needy today. No, wait, that's not the right word…demanding is more like it…"

Shelby huffed and went to push past her and out the door.

"Shelby Kimberly," Cassandra pulled out before she could. Shelby spun around with a glare. "Hey," Cass rushed towards her and wrapped her arms around Shelby's waist, which she knew would drive the woman crazy. "I love you."

Shelby tried to keep her hard ass composure, but melted into Cass's embrace anyways. She had that affect on her.

"Hmm? What was that?" Cass kissed her again. "I love you too, Cassie?"

Shelby laughed lightly. "I love you too, Cassie. Now, go teach."

With a smile, Cass walked away, humming a certain part of the song So Emotional that she knew Shelby would remember, "Ain't it shocking what love can do?"

With a shake of her head, Shelby left the school.


	4. Interrogation

**Chapter 4 up and running, Chapter 5 is nearly done.**

**We're having so much fun writing this story!**

**We hope you love it as much as we do.**

**Here's what you've been waiting for-Kurt's confrontation with Rach about Cassie. Sorry it's so short-we wanted the next part to have it's own chapter.**

**Love from, Defygravity09 and hayleynymphadora**

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Ch. 4 Interrogation

Rachel finished tidying up her room and walked out to the "living room" to grab her Barbra Streisand "Back to Brooklyn" CD. In passing, Kurt stared at her and she could feel his glance. After retrieving her CD, she slowly turned her gaze up and looked at him, quizzically.

"Take a picture," she joked. She realized it was something her mother would have said—she spent an awful lot of time around that woman.

Kurt continued to stare at her, one perfectly sculpted eyebrow raised, his hands on his hips cockily, a "mother knows best" expression plastered across his face.

"Can I help you?" Rachel tried again, pushing a lock of long brown hair behind her ear self consciously.

"Why yes, Rachel, I believe you can," he motioned for her to sit on the couch and she did so, slowly, hesitantly.

"With…Blaine?" she was utterly lost.

"No, with you. I don't need help with MY love life."

With a huge dramatic sigh, Rachel said, "Honestly, Kurt, I have no idea what you're getting at. What did I do THIS time? Seriously—between you and Shelby and Santana and Cassandra you'd think I'm a walking conspiracy…"

Finally, Kurt seemed unable to stay silent about whatever was so important he needed to tell her about it. It must have been pretty serious, because his eyebrows rose, along with his voice, (which rarely ever happened), as he exclaimed with disgust, "How can you fall for someone old enough to be your mother, Rachel?!"

Now Rachel was really lost, not remembering the whole "I know you love Cassandra" ordeal from the few nights ago. In all reality she had been trying her best to just completely block that entire night out of her memories—it was proving extremely hard to do.

"What the hell are you talking about?" she asked after a second of thought.

"Not to mention how rude July is to you—she's a bully, Rach."

Now she understood what this was all about, and she rolled her eyes and stood, feeling patronized and irritated.

"For the last time, Kurt, I'm NOT in love with Cassandra!"

"Well then who are you in love with, Rachel?!"

"I'm—", for a moment Rachel was speechless—caught off guard, as she walked towards the kitchen to get a much needed glass of water. If she was going to raise her voice then she was going to lubricate her throat—no need to damage her vocal chords over a conversation as pointless as one where he believed she was in love with Ms. July.

"I'm not in love with anybody," she said finally, her heart thumping harshly at the lie as she pulled a glass down from the cupboard. After a second thought, she got one down for Kurt as well and filled them both. "Anyways, I don't understand why you just assume I'm in love with Cassandra."

"You only talk about her all the time…"

"Because she's a bitch!" Rachel finally said what she had been wanting to about the woman for such a long time before she took a long drink of her cool water. "She ruins my life and so I talk about her!"

Kurt narrowed his eyes at her, studying her reactions carefully. She set down her glass slowly, unappreciative of his interrogation. This definitely was not fair. "Are you sure you're not just saying all of that because her bitchiness really turns you on? Do you like it when people treat you like shit, Rach?"

Rachel dropped her jaw, trying not to think about Cassandra July turning anybody on. Her thoughts quickly flicked from her mother and Cassandra back to the conversation as she shook her head and shivered. "Gross, Kurt! No! Cassandra does a lot of things, but turning me on is not one of them!"

"Then who does?!" He threw his hands up in what would usually be a gesture of defeat, however Rachel knew better. "Just stop lying to me! I told you about me and Blaine. Just be honest with me, Rachel."

After thinking about telling Kurt—she knew she had to sometime during the week eventually anyways—she thought better of letting all of her feelings out spur of the moment. She had a few more das to procrastinate it and procrastinate it she would.

"Brody call me again today," she admitted something else—shedding some light on another subject for the time being, even if it was one she'd rather not discuss.

"What?!" Kurt was taking a drink of water and practically choked on it as he set his glass down, leaning against the countertop and propping his head in his hand to listen to the story—all thoughts of Cassandra swept away due to a more important situation at hand.

"Yeah. Santana heard about it and threw my cell phone across the room. She's lucky I have a spare, but it's not a very good one. I'll have to order a new one now…"

"Shit…well what did Mr. Prostitute want?"

Rachel did her best to mimic his voice, ""I'm sorry, baby, I really am. The other girls didn't mean anything, I just needed the money…""

"That asshole. I'm so sorry, Rach."

"It's okay," Rachel sighed. "I'll live. He might not though—San got pretty defensive. You know, BEFORE she threw my phone." She added a bit bitterly.

"I'll bet. You know she does care, Rach. She doesn't want to see anything bad happening to you. She's not as mean as she was in high school. I think she really likes us now."

Rachel nodded slowly, unable to attempt the small smile rising to her lips. "Yeah, I think maybe she's slowly starting to come around…Oh, I'm supposed to meet up with mom for lunch…she has to finish talking to July first though, apparently they had to discuss something important…" as much as she wanted her mother to be happy, she still couldn't help but shutter at the thought of what "something important" was code for… July WAS her teacher…and Shelby WAS her mother…and them having any sort of history seemed odd. Different.

"Yes, now, back to this Cassandra thing, when are you going to tell her how you feel?" Kurt wondered, jokingly.

"Um, never, because my feelings for her are nonexistent. Now, my mother's feelings for her are another story completely…"

"Oh god, the two biggest drama queens on the planet besides the one in front of me are in love." Kurt laughed. "I should have known. But I will find out who this mystery person for you is eventually, you know that, right? You can't keep it from me."

Finishing up her water, Rachel laughed. "Whatever helps you sleep at night."

"Yeah, like Cassandra helps you sleep at night?" he teased her. ""Ohh, Cassie!"" he exclaimed in his best Rachel Berry voice.

"Yes, because the only thing I ever dream about is Cassie July and how she makes me scream with excitement and swoon with delight. You know how I love it when people "treat me like shit". I'm just sooo turned on by it."

"I know you are, honey. Now, I need to go talk to my man, before I start to go through withdrawals. So while you go day dream about Crazy July, I am going to talk to my actual boyfriend."

""She's not crazy!"" Rachel mocked her mother's defensive lovey voice. ""She's misunderstood!""

"Whatever makes you feel better about the craziness that is the two of you together…"

Rachel and Kurt both recognized how ridiculous they were being about the whole situation, so for good measure, Rachel added as a final thought, "Crazy in LOOOOOVVVEEE."

Kurt let out a laugh. "Oh, god. Rachel Berry is in love. Alert the media!"

"Oh, yes," Rachel linked her arm with Kurt's as she spoke. "But call my mother first—you must tell her so she can beat me up when she finds out that her girlfriend helps me sleep at night…"

Shaking his head and laughing, Kurt smiled. "You are not right, Rachel."

Rachel gave a shrug, reaching for her Barbra CD, which she had set on the counter. "I was raised by the best—you and my mother!"

Kurt pulled his best friend into a tight hug. "Love you, Babs. I hope you can feel more open with me soon, but I won't push you anymore."

"I love you too, Kurt. And I'll tell you about it all soon, okay? I promise. Really soon."


	5. Reality Check and Misunderstanding

**A/N: DefyGravity09 here….hayleynymphadora is on vacation right now and took the story with her….she will be back sometime this week and we will have the next chapter up then. It will be a couple of days so hang in there. We promise not to keep you waiting too long. **

**Thanks again for the reviews/follows/and favorites. You guys keep us going. So thanks for the support! **

Ch 5 Reality Check and Misunderstanding

Cassandra sat in her office—Rachel's class was her last one until after her free period, so she decided to catch up on grading, already missing Shelby and wishing for some company from her. There was so much they needed to talk about still—this was still new to them, and precious. It seemed unreal—like revisiting a favorite dream, or stuck inside a daydream. She kept waiting for something bad to happen.

As if on cue, her office door was practically knocked down as one of Little Miss David Schwimmer's roommates (the one that was a girl, but she couldn't remember the kid's name) came barging in. No meeting, no reason, and obviously no respect.

Stomping her way to Cassie's desk, the Latina smacked her hands down forcefully on it before yelling, "How dare you, you bitch! Do you not know who the fuck you're messing with? I will go ALL Lima Heights on YOUR scrawny little ass, I don't care if Shelby's in love with you!" the young girl was enraged, and Cassandra raised an eyebrow, trying to think back and remember if she had ever actually formally met this person and what she could have possibly done to piss her off so much.

"Woah, hey, Schwimmer friend. Why don't you take a step back, tone your ass down a couple of notches? This is my territory." Cass spoke calmly, standing so she didn't have to look up at the girl.

Ignoring every word that came out of Cassandra's mouth, Santana continued, "How can you lead Rachel on while fucking her mom?!"

At this, Cassandra's heart skipped. She hadn't, in fact, BEEN fucking Shelby…not recently, anyways, so this comment made her extremely confused—more so than she was before. If the girl would've calmed herself down long enough to explain what the hell she was talking about, Cass might not have had an issue with her. She actually admired the defensive nature of her—it showed she really cared about whatever she was blaming Cassandra for.

Cassandra's eyes widened in shock. "I don't believe that my fucking anybody has to do with you at all, OR Schwimmer, for that matter. What the hell are you talking about? Leading her on?" she couldn't hold back the laugh that radiated through her chest, tilting her head back as she organized the graded papers on her desk and set them aside. Quite obviously she was too busy to tackle them now, and she really wasn't sure how long this little feud was going to last.

Santana shook her head, furious. "Rachel sure is enthralled with you. She was just talking with Kurt—she's ALL OVER you!"

That comment seemed to really get Cassie's attention and she choked back a laugh, snapping her head up to make eye contact with the girl in front of her. "WHAT?" she tried to hide her amusement but just couldn't. Schwimmer was a lot of things—one of them being the love of her life's daughter—but she knew for a fact that one of those things was NOT "in love with Cassandra July". Rachel hated her too much for that, Cassie knew. She loved pushing the girls' buttons and Rachel bit back, strengthening her dancing skills. Was this a love affair? Absolutely not. They could barely stand each other, let alone ever be in a relationship together.

"She says you being rude to her turns her on and that you help her sleep at night."

Still amused, Cassandra decided to just play along. "I help her sleep at night…well I could say that for her mother, perhaps…" her eyes sparkled with a sensual quality that, if Santana wasn't so angry, might have made Santana's stomach flip. "But Schwimmer? I've never once helped that poor girl sleep at night. If anything, I give her nightmares, and rightfully so. Now, if you're done, I have minds to corrupt…"

Cassandra headed towards her office door, but was denied exit by Santana, who blocked it with her small yet muscular frame. "No, we're not finished here. You leave Rachel alone, understand me? You love SHELBY. NOT Rachel, so stop leading her on because NO ONE is allowed to break that girl's heart again."

At this point, Cass was starting to get annoyed. Enough was enough, after all; she had played along to some extent and for a minute it was fun but now it was just ridiculous. "For the last damn time," she rolled her eyes and threw her head back with a groan. "I'm not leading anybody on! I'm trying to win her mother back! I still don't see how any of this has to do with YOU, so if you'd be so kind as to move your skinny little bark-and-no-bite Latina ass out of my way, before I do it for you—"

Shelby, who had decided to come back and see Cassandra during her free period, walked up to the doorway, a look of confusion on her face. She looked from Cass to Santana and her eyes widened in worry. "What's going on here?" she inquired.

Straightening a little, Cassie answered, "Babe! You can control this psychopath, right? Help me get her out of my face before I bitch slap her to Mexico."

"Cassie?" Shelby tried again. "Tell me what's going on?" she shot a glance of warning towards Santana, who backed off of Cassandra a couple of steps as Cass walked towards Shelby.

"I don't know, babe," she answered honestly. "But once you figure it out, would you like to fill me in? Apparently, your daughter is turned on by me. It was news to me…"

Understanding now, Shelby realized what must have happened—Santana obviously talked to Kurt, or heard him bombarding Rachel with those ridiculous accusations of loving Cassandra. "Yeah," she answered before turning to Santana. "Let's go for a walk," she placed her hand in the middle of Santana's back and led her out of the office.

"Corcoran?!" Cassandra's voice carried a tone of shock. "What the hell do you mean "yeah"?! Was I the ONLY person unaware of all of this?"

"No, baby, it's just that I know what's going on now," Shelby answered her, turning around to face her. "Calm down, I will talk to you about it tonight."

"….tonight?" did they have plans that night? Cassandra couldn't remember…did that make her a horrible person?

"Yes, when I come over. Now, go do something productive."

She was being very forward, Cassandra noticed, and she really liked it. However, there was a fault in Shelby's plan. "You can't just expect me to accept this girl prancing into my office like she's fucking queen of New York and bitch me out for something I don't understand! I'm not paid to put up with college drama; I'm paid to CREATE it."

Taking her hand off of Santana, Shelby walked over to Cassie and grabbed her by the waist, sending an electric bolt of lighting through Cassandra's body. It was a fantastic feeling.

"Calm down, baby," Shelby said in that smooth and sweet voice of hers that seemed to calm the most outrageous of storms and fits created by Crazy July. "Let me handle Santana."

Cassandra tried her best not to let her guard down in front of Schwimmer's roommate, but she couldn't help but to melt in Shelby's grasp.

"And then," Shelby leaned forward and whispered seductively, "I will handle you," she squeezed Cassie's waist before letting go and giving a soft wink. After which, she thought she saw Cassandra try to hide a swoon as she turned to the younger girl in the hallway. "Santana, we need to talk."

Cassandra's heart thumped wildly as she did in fact hold back a swoon before she said, "Okay, fine, handle Santana…"

Shelby and Santana continued to walk as Santana answered her, "About?"

"This whole Rachel thing,"

"Ugh. Please, spare me the gory details," she held her hand up in protest.

"No, you really need to hear this."

"I don't need to hear anything. Nothing you have to say could possibly be worth hearing—clearly she's not only gay, but in love with YOUR girlfriend. Tell me that doesn't piss you off."

"I wanted to let her tell you this, San…but obviously I need to tell you before you kill somebody out of jealousy…"

"Tell me what?" Santana scoffed. "That Cass is screwing both of you?"

Instead of just pointing out that Cass wasn't screwing either of them, Shelby said as calmly as she could, "Rachel isn't in love with Cassie."

"This is one really screwed up love triangle…" Santana mumbled bitterly.

"San, she's in love with YOU."

This got Santana to crack a smile. "Hahaha. Why do I talk to you again?" she continued to laugh until she caught Shelby's serious expression. At this, her jaw dropped. "Wait, no shit?" she stopped dead in her tracks and Shelby stopped with her.

"No, I'm serious. That's why she was being so weird the other night when you were reading our chat…"

Santana got defensive again—she just couldn't believe something this great could actually happen. "Not because she was apologizing for letting Cassie help her sleep at night?"

Shelby's cheeks flushed. With all this talk of Cassandra helping someone sleep at night, she was starting to want that to happen to her.

"No! I don't know what you heard today, but I do know that Rachel definitely wants you, not Cassie. But she thinks you hate her."

"What I heard," Santana says snappishly, "Is that she moans "Oh, Cassie" in her sleep, after Cassie "helps her" sleep of course, whatever the fuck that's code for, and that she's super turned on by Cassie's bitchiness in dance class. So I called Cassandra out on her bullshit and said bitchiness, and was having a damn blast before you spoiled all of my fun."

Shelby blushed, knowing fully well that she had moaned "Oh Cassie" in her sleep quite a few times. "No, honey," she grabbed Santana's hand so she couldn't run away from this conversation. Often, when Santana grew uncomfortable, she did like Rachel and just stormed out. Why did Shelby surround herself with such dramatic people? Took one to know one, she supposed… "Rachel has no feelings for Cassie. You have to believe me. She was supposed to tell you how she felt about you by this upcoming Sunday, but I had to tell you sooner."

Santana reverted back, snapping a, "Why should I believe you when you didn't tell me whatever the hell this really is to begin with?! You talked to me about Dani KNOWING that Rachel liked me?! How do I know you're not just screwing with my head now?"

'I didn't want to screw everything up with Rachel by going behind her back to tell you…but once again, Shelby has to be the bad guy…"

"Don't make this about you."

"I'm not. You fucking asked. Now I see that I'm going to have to bring out Mama Bear."

"All I'm saying is that if the girl loves me so much, she should've just said so and I would be giving her sweet lady kisses by now." Santana crossed her arms over her chest. Her head hurt and she was actually regretting coming to NYADA to bitch out Cassie after all. At first it had felt good, but now that Shelby wanted to get into this whole discussion about feelings, here in the middle of the hallway of NYADA—the school that RACHEL ATTENDED, she wasn't so sure of her judgment.

"She's scared, San, why don't you understand that?"

"Of what? Of Cassie finding out about her new crush?"

"Don't you remember," Shelby said, exasperated. "What it was like when you were outed?"

Santana clearly did not see that coming. She stood, speechless.

"Because I do. You beat up Finn Hudson and you hated everyone for weeks. Your grandmother disowned you. This is the first time Rachel realized she might not be straight, and she is terrified now WHAT about that is unclear to you?" Shelby raised her eyebrows.

After a moment of silence on Santana's end, San finally said, "Well she has no reason to be, it's not like she hasn't known me forever, and it isn't as if she doesn't live in a house full of gays!"

"Look," Shelby sighed hugely, wishing for the day to be over. She'd rather be anywhere than here, having this conversation that she promised her daughter she wouldn't have. She tried to tell herself that this was for the best—better for everyone in the long run—before Santana went to Rachel about Cassie and they had an even bigger problem on their hands. Shelby knew she needed to settle things down and if this was the only way to do it… "I didn't want to have to out my own daughter. But I need you to get it into your thick head that she wants you, not Cass. Do I need to show you the damn chats?"

Santana rolled her eyes and stared at the ground. "I can't deal with this right now. I'm supposed to meet Dani in an hour…"

"Go ahead," Shelby accused. "Walk away from this like you do everything else. But you'd better lay the fuck off of Cassie."

That caught Santana's attention, but instead of just making her turn around and go back to the matter at hand, it had a surprise affect that Shelby did not expect or appreciate in the least.

"Why? Your whore of a girlfriend just too innocent to place any blame on?"

With a low growl of irritation coming from deep within Shelby's chest, she responded, "I am not about to deal with your ghetto ass right now. You know I'll take a lot of shit from you, Santana Marie, but I will be respected and you will respect the people I love. Or have you forgotten I know your secrets too? You know," she glared. "The one where you're in love with Rachel, too?"

Hissing her response, Santana insisted, "I am NOT in love with Rachel. I have a girlfriend, and I need to meet with her before I'm late. Don't forget I know some of your secrets, too. Miss "I don't know how to sleep with Cassie, Santana, it's just been too long. Tell me what do to, San! I'm so nervous!""

Shocked, Shelby was at her last straw. "I am so fucking done with you, Santana. Just remember who was there for you when you needed someone. Go screw Dani, Ms "I only ever do one night stands". What's Dani's last name? You may be with her for longer than anyone else but it's just a series of one night stands….you're just fuck buddies that don't mean anything. No one you will be with will mean anything to you, Santana. You don't know how to love someone." And with that she stormed off, doing what she taught her daughter best to do in such a situation.

Santana did what she knew would stop Shelby dead in her tracks. "THAT'S RIGHT, RUN OFF TO YOUR WHORE, GOD ONLY KNOWS SHE'S WAITING FOR YOU IN HER OFFICE, BITING BACK THAT SWOON, LEADING ON INNOCENT YOUNG STUDENTS…"

With the speed of lightning and before Santana knew what was coming, Shelby smacked her with such force that Santana had to take a step back so she wouldn't fall over. "Shut the fuck up, Santana. I am SO done with you. You are nothing but a damn disappointment, you haven't changed and you never will. I don't know what I was thinking. We will never be friends."

Santana did the only thing in her power left to do—smacked Shelby back equally as hard. "You think I'm not USED to playing this game? You think I didn't get PLENTY of practice with this in high school?"

Shelby's heart hurt as she spoke to Santana. She had truly been hoping she could help her—been really wanting a friendship with her. In reality, she had been changing for the better—her life was starting to get back on track and now all of Santana's hard work was slowly dissolving as well as their friendship with just one conversation, and all over a misunderstanding.

"I wanted to be there for you, but damn if you don't make it hard for someone to care about you. I don't know how Rachel's managed to do it."

"I didn't ASK you to care about me. I asked you to keep a damn secret and control your own fucking slutty girlfriend."

Not wanting to hurt anymore, not wanting to slap or fight anymore, Shelby just stared back at the young girl standing in front of her and wondered how things could have gotten so bad so quickly—so easily. She fought off tears, for the whole ordeal was tearing her apart inside. She really did care for Santana and she hated that she was getting hut. She worried about how Rachel would have to live with the aftermath of all of this—the poor young girl wouldn't know what hit her and it was all her mother's fault. The mother that was never really there for her to begin with was still unintentionally ruining her life.

Santana just glared back. "Go then! Go run to Cassie! But can she tell you honestly where she was last night?" the lie formed in Santana's head before she could stop it—and she was so angry that she felt it had to be done. If she couldn't break Shelby with her words earlier, this definitely would. Maybe then she would just leave Santana alone.

Taken aback, Shelby just whispered, "What?"

Santana smirked, knowing that she already had the older brunette, hook line and sinker. "Can your girlfriend tell you where she was last night?" she pronounced her words slowly, more carefully, in a mocking sort of tone.

Getting quieter as she realized that she had no idea what Cassie was up to the night before, Shelby's heart sank low. It hadn't occurred to her that Santana could've been lying—she was just too caught up in the moment. "Why don't you tell me?" she said finally.

"Oh, you mean you don't already know?" Santana taunted.

Shelby's voice sounded defeated—she felt tiny. "No, Santana, I don't."

"Oh, I see. So you really don't have control over your girlfriend—you aren't aware that your girlfriend had drinks at a bar with her girlfriend's daughter's roommate because she had a rough day of arguing with said girlfriend and her daughter?"

It took Shelby a moment to comprehend what Santana actually said before she sank against the wall, sliding down until she was sitting on the floor. "What?" she held her heart as her head started to swim and hurt and throb. Sure, it had only been a couple of days since Cassandra had promised sobriety, but that was a couple of days that Shelby had foolishly believed she had stayed sober for.

"Sorry," Santana seemed genuinely sorry. "Guess you really DON'T know her at all." She paused before continuing, "I really am sorry for you, Shelby. I'm sorry that you fell in love with the wrong person—god only knows how suckish that is. I've been there."

"Why?! You know that I'm try—you know what? Never mind. I am done." She reminded herself.

"Done with what? Because you keep saying that, and yet you're still here."

Shelby stood, wiping the one tear that escaped her eye harshly and putting on her best bitch face.

"Gonna go bitch out your girlfriend?"

Shelby walked out of the building without saying a word more to Santana.

"CAN I AT LEAST WATCH?!" Santana yelled after her before throwing her arms up in defeat.

As Shelby heatedly walked, she whipped out her cell phone and called Cassandra.

Cass picked up her phone on the first ring, as she was stretching in her studio waiting for Shelby to return. "Hey, babe, you want to finally tell me what all of this is—"

"Get the fuck out of my life. I am done with these fucking games, Cassandra, SO fucking done."

Cassandra was scared, for the first time in a long time. She didn't think she had ever heard Shelby say such a long strand of f words in a row. Done? Done with what? With them?! How the hell could she be done?! What was she talking about?!

"Woah, hey, slow down. What the fuck are you talking about?!"

"Drinks with Santana late at night? What happened to getting better? Your fucking booze will always mean more! She said that you were at the bar with your girlfriend's daughter's roommate drinking last night."

Cassandra was so confused that her head was spinning—it didn't help that she had already HAD a headache from her LACK of alcohol in the past three days. "Drinks with Santana? You mean Schwimmer's roommate bitch who attacked me earlier? I didn't even know she existed until she came barging into my office like she owned the place! Babe, I swear on my life I was in the studio ALL NIGHT last night. The little bitch is a liar."

"Your promises mean nothing to me anymore, unless you can prove it!" Shelby's voice broke.

Tears started to form in Cassie's eyes—something NOT easily done and only ever done by Shelby—she answered with a broken voice, "Please, come see me. We need to talk face to face, Shelby…"

"Fine! I'm turning around…" Shelby did so and headed back for the college, heatedly. She made it into the studio, hanging up her phone and glaring at Cassandra.

Cassie saw her and tried to enfold her in her arms. "Babe, thank god. Come here…"

Shelby pulled away so forcefully that Cassie's heart dropped. "No."

Cass blinked back a few tears. "Shelby, I wasn't drinking last night, I swear to god and everybody, I've been sober since I told you I'd go to the damn AA meetings! I've wanted to drink so bad but I didn't, I wasn't, I haven't!"

Shelby straightened her back, "I've told you once, prove it!"

Desperately, Cassandra whispered, 'How?!"

"You'd better figure something out," Shelby threatened. She was done with Cassandra's games. If alcohol was more important than there relationship, even after all this time, what good was it to be in love?

"Shelby, baby, please," Cassandra's voice cracked. "You're going to believe HER over me? She doesn't have her facts straight! She thinks I'm fucking your daughter!"

Shelby started to pace the room, holding her head and feeling nauseous. "I don't know what to believe. This is all just—too much!"

"Believe ME. I love you, and you love me, isn't that what we tell each other?" tears started to pour down her face which was most unusual—Cassandra July simply did not cry—so Shelby knew that things were seriously wrong, however she couldn't get her brain to comprehend everything at once and it felt like it was going to explode—the pressure building and making her want to scream.

She grabbed her head. "I just-UGH—I DON'T FUCKING KNOW!"

"Please, Shelby," Cassandra's tone grew soft and begging. "You DO know. I don't lie to you—ever. When have I ever lied to you? Just take a deep breath, calm yourself down with your yoga breathing, and settle. Think."

"WHY WON'T IT STOP HURTING?!" she fell to her knees on the floor and held her head in her hands, rocking slowly.

"Hey, take a long slow breath Shelby. You need to calm down, you're going to get hurt…please, just breathe." She tried to take Shelby's hand. "Slow breaths, babe, it's okay."

Shelby's breaths turned short and staggered as she managed to explain that she couldn't breathe.

Frantically, and unsure what else to do, Cassie turned her head and screamed, "SOMEBODY HELP, MY GIRLFRIEND'S IN TROUBLE!"

Santana, who was watching all of this unfold from outside the door, came running into the studio and ten people automatically followed her, along with Rachel, who heard Cassie's yell from down the hall.

"Oh my god, mom, are you okay?!" Rachel ran past everybody else and towards her mother, worried.

Shelby, recognizing a panic attack and still trying to breath, reached out for Rachel. Cassie searched for her cell and couldn't find it on her person. She yelled to Santana. "DON'T JUST STAND THERE, CALL 911!"

"Rach—" Shelby tried to talk. "I—can't—do—this—anymore…"

"Mom? Don't try to speak you need to save your breath…"

"BREATHE, damn it, Corcoran, I CAN'T lose you. YOU CAN'T GIVE UP ON ME," Cassandra was panicking, stepping in front of Shelby and encasing her in her arms, trying to relax her and get her to inhale slowly.

Santana finally spoke, after dialing 911. "What the hell just happened?"

"WHY ARE YOU JUST STANDING THERE?" Cassandra bellowed at her, angrily. "Are you good for nothing?"

"911 was already called, bitch."

"Call me a bitch one more fucking time little girl, I dare you!"

Rachel had had about enough of this, and she knew that none of it was helping Shelby. "BOTH of you need to just SHUT UP." She yelled. "Neither of you are helping!"

"STOP!" Shelby commanded before passing out, unable to function.

Cass stroked the woman's face, slowly. "Shelby! Jesus Christ, please, Shelby…"

"Great! What the hell is going on?!" Santana questioned from the sidelines.

"If you're just going to comment then get the hell away from me before I put YOU in the hospital."

Rachel rolled her eyes at Cassandra's theatrics and explained to Santana, "She's having a panic attack."

As the paramedics arrived, Shelby came to. Cass grabbed her hand tightly. "Babe, oh my god, please stay with me…"

Shelby's eyes flicked as she whispered, "Cassie? Rach?"

"I'm right here, mama," Rachel promised from next to her.

"I need them gone," Shelby said.

Cassie couldn't take it anymore. The tears she had been successfully keeping back were starting to burn at the back of her eyes like a wildfire. "Babe, Shelby, please…"

Rachel took control of Cass for the first time in her life, and she had to admit to herself that she loved the authoritarian role. "Cassandra, she doesn't want you right now, you have to go."

Santana began to walk out upon the first command. Shelby squeezed Cassandra's hand, managing a, "I—am—sorry. I—just—can't—do—this—right—now…"

"Don't be sorry, love. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm not trustworthy enough for you but I swear I can change. I promise I'm trying, Shelby, I'm getting help, I'll be going to the meetings…"

"Shh," Shelby smiled lightly. "I—know. Just—go—for—a—bit. I—love—you."

"O—kay… I love you too…"

Once everyone besides Rachel had left the room, Shelby could finally begin to calm down. Rachel held her hand, and coached her through her yoga breathing.

"That's right, mama. Just take a few calm, relaxing breaths…"

In a few minutes, Shelby's breathing became normal again.

"There…better?" Rachel asked kindly, scooting up next to her mother.

"Yes, baby girl. I'm so sorry." All of her fears of ruining Rachel's life came flooding back to her in an instant, but Rachel remained confused.

"Don't be sorry…what do you have to be sorry for? Panic attacks can't be controlled…"

"Everything. I…I told Santana."

Rachel stiffened and backed up, dropping her mother's hand. "You…you told her?! How could you?!"

"Please, Rachel, I didn't know what else to do," Shelby tried to explain, remembering to keep her breathing under control so she didn't have another attack. "San came in here ready to kick Cassie's ass because you wanted to sleep with Cassie—something about her helping you sleep at night. Everything was just one like one big high school rumor—everything got out of control."

"Because I what?!" then realization struck Rachel like a brick and she gathered that Santana must have heard her and Kurt joking about Cassandra earlier.

"I was just trying to calm her down and prove to her that it wasn't Cassie you loved…"

"So she heard me and Kurt? But we were just kidding!...and you thought that telling her I was in love with her would calm her down?!" Rachel couldn't help but be unable to find the logic in that.

"We got into a fight and she told me that she and Cass were out drinking last night. I just didn't know what to believe, I got confused, Rach, and I didn't know what else to do. Santana was out of control."

After a moment's contemplation, Rachel sighed. "It's okay, mama. It'll all be okay. We'll work all of this out, it's just a big miscommunication."

Shelby buried her face in her hands. "There's no way to work this out if Cassie can't prove she wasn't at the bar with Santana…"

Rachel's eyes widened in confusion before she realized that after all of this, Shelby was still taking what Santana said into consideration. "What are you talking about? Santana was home all night last night!"

Shelby shot her head up, gaining an instant head rush which she ignored. "What?! No…Santana said that…"

"Mom, she was home all night talking to Kurt his anniversary with Blaine!"

"Shit."

"Mama…San lied to you."

With a sob, just wishing for this day to finally be over and wishing to go crawling back into Cassandra's arms and beg for forgiveness, if Cassie was even still willing, she put her head into her lap. "I'm so stupid, Rachel…"

"You're not stupid," Rachel tried to soothe her. "You're just confused."

Angrily, Shelby spat, "Why would Santana do something like that? I thought we were friends—we were close!...I really need Cassie…"

"Mom, take another breath. A deep breath."

Shelby did as she was told, "I have to go apologize…"

"Okay, I agree. But first you need to calm down. I'm sorry about Santana…I don't know why she did what she did. I think maybe she just felt ganged up on…she, like you, didn't know what else to do."

Shelby nodded her head, "I'm sorry, Rach."

"Just do your yoga breathing…"

"So sorry…"

"It's okay, okay? It was going to come out eventually…"

Shelby finally calms down enough and whispers, reminding Rachel of an anxious little girl, "Can I talk to Cassie now?"

Rachel laughed softly. "Yes," she smiled.

"Thank you baby girl. I love you, Rach."

"Of course. I love you too." Rachel left the room to get Cassandra, finding her and Santana waiting outside the door. Cass sped over towards Shelby, who was leaning against the back window—the sunset gleaming down on her gorgeous face, casting shadows throughout the otherwise darkened studio. "Shelby?" Cass wiped a final (she hoped it would be her final, for she really did hate crying) tear as Shelby reached out for her.

"Cass, I am so sorry, baby."

"Honey?" she wiped another tear. "Damn tears…" she muttered. "It's okay…so you believe me?"

As a few tears of her own fell, Shelby reached her hand up and dried up one of Cassie's. "Yes. Rachel said Santana was at home all night…"

"Thank god for your daughter…"

Shelby laughed lightly, "Amen to that."

Unable to hold it in any longer, Cassandra moved her body between Shelby's legs (which Shelby wrapped around Cass) and kissed her lips softly. "I am trying, babe."

"I know, I know," Shelby kissed Cassandra once, twice. "I should have believed you—I see everything you're doing. I was just so confused…"

"It's okay. Things are okay now. Things will be better," she pulled her mouth away from Shelby's so the brunette could respond.

"I love you so much."

"Oh, babe. I love you too. So fucking much…"

Shelby smiled a little smile and Cass smiled back with a soft wink before changing her position so that she was sitting up against the wall next to Shelby. Shelby leaned on Cass, putting her head in the blonde's lap and remembering in a time of concern, that Cassandra had called her "her girlfriend". Sure, she was used to Santana's mocking about it, but they had never said it exclusively and she wasn't sure if Cassandra had really mean it or if it was moot point—they already loved each other, so she felt that the "girlfriends, officially" stage had been passed over years ago. Cassandra stroked Shelby's beautifully long brown hair, running it through her hands with ease. They were content until they both looked up, hearing a voice come from the doorway.

"Shelby? Oh my god, thank everyone you're okay…"

"Santana."

"I am really sorry. I didn't think that would cause all of—" she moved her hands, gesturing to them both, "this," she finished lamely.

"Stop," Shelby said sternly. "Just stop."

"…but—"

"You took things too far. I have been nothing but kind to you, then you lied about Cassie, knowing that her drinking is a sensitive subject…"

"I'm sorry, really. I thought that Cassandra was screwing Rachel and she pissed me off and I didn't know what else to do…"

"I TOLD YOU that she wasn't. I've never lied to you, what would possibly give me reason to in this situation? I even offered to show you the chat, San." Shelby was condescending now and Cassandra remained quiet, simply continuing to play with Shelby's hair, which Shelby was grateful for.

"You can't blame me for what Snixx does," Santana played a final card.

Shelby rolled her eyes. "I don't want to hear about Snixx."

"She got jealous and irrational—"

"Whatever. I'm just so hurt by you, Santana. I looked at you as one of my own,"

"Shelby…" Santana felt an unusual emotion inside of her—her heart actually hurt. She had felt like one of Shelby's own, too. It had felt so good to be a part of a real family and she had just ruined it all with one freak out and a little lie. "I…I am like one of your own!"

Cassie felt that at this point it was time for her to intervene. "You called me an alcoholic whore!"

"I thought you were!" Santana defended herself.

Shelby cut in, "One of my own wouldn't have talked to me the way that you did. They would have listened to me."

"Because Rachel did?"

"Don't start with me, Santana." She took a moment to think before sighing hugely. What point was there in dwelling on the past? The worst of it was over and done, and everyone was somewhat content with things now. "I will forgive you on one condition."

Shelby raised an eyebrow. "…what condition?"

"Apologize to Cassie."

Santana glared over at Cassie and then sighed. "I'm sorry I thought you were fucking the Hobbit."

Cassandra looked at her, amused but confused. "The Hobbit?"

"SANTANA." Shelby scolded.

Santana corrected herself. "RACHEL. I'm sorry I thought you were getting it on with Rachel!"

"Better," Shelby commented.

After a moments' pause, Santana asked quietly. "…are we okay, C?"

"One more condition," Shelby stood from Cassie's lap to which Cassie pouted.

"Okay…?" Santana agreed.

Shelby gave her a smile, holding out her arms to the girl. "Come here and give me a hug."

With an eye roll and a grin, Santana obliged. "Of all the things…"

Shelby squeezed her tight. "I do love you, Santana Marie."

Santana sighed. "I love you too, Shelby."

"Take me home, Cass," Shelby said softly, yawning hugely. The paramedics were long gone—they had told her she would be okay as long as they got her to relax, which they clearly had.

Cassandra stood, taking Shelby by the waist and into her arms. "Of course, babe."

Once they got to Shelby's apartment, Shelby laid back on the couch. Cassandra hung up the phone with Carmen, explaining there was a family emergency and she would need Brody to teach the rest of her day's classes.

"Come sit with me, baby," Shelby said from the living room. Cass smiled that smug smile and made her way towards Shelby.

"No funny business, July." Shelby said jokingly. "I just want you close."

Cass rolled her eyes teasingly. "Funny business? From me? Why I never…"

Playfully, Shelby slapped Cassie on the arm. "Oh, shut up."

Cass snuggled into Shelby's warmth, appreciating what she hadn't had in so very long. What she missed tremendously. "But you loooovvvee meeee."

"Of course I do,"

Cass kissed Shelby's temple tenderly, lingering for longer than necessary. "I love you too."

Pulling her closer, Shelby drifted off to sleep in Cassandra's arms, and eventually, after playing with the brunette's hair for a little while, fell asleep as well.


	6. Learning Process

Shelby woke the next morning, still encased in Cassie's arms. She smiled, remembering the promise of change that her lover had made to her and hoping, for both of their hearts' sake that Cassie could keep it this time. She _had_ made it four days so far. Shelby definitely called that improvement, especially from Cassandra, if nothing else. Cassie was really trying this time—she had never made this much of an effort before, she had always given up on herself before she could try.

Shelby had to admit to herself how badly she truly missed Cassie's soft touch—the feel of her protective arms, like she would let absolutely no harm befall the one she loves. Shelby believed that—Cassandra July had a lot of attributes, and one of her strongest was her protective nature over the people she loved—as if letting go would mean death. She supposed, in Cassandra's case, it might have. She missed the feel of Cassie's blonde hair, soft and silky and luscious. She missed Cassie's sweet seductive scent—she didn't even have to be wearing that sexy perfume Shelby had always loved—she smelled amazing enough without it. Her natural, beautiful scent.

Placing a hand over Cassie's, (Cass was still fast asleep), and after placing a soft kiss on her knuckles, Shelby placed another on her wrist, and then the crook of her arm, before turning around and gently kissing the woman's nose.

Confused, Cass's eyes fluttered open before Shelby shook her head slowly and lifted her lips to Cassie's eyelids. "Go back to sleep," she smiled against Cass's face before kissing each lid tenderly.

"Mmm…" Cassandra murmured in reply, obliging to Shelby's request and wrapping her grip around Shelby's waist a little tighter.

Before she could re-explore other lost parts of Cassandra, Rachel came walking through the door of the apartment. Shelby turned her head to look at Rach and Rach smiled sheepishly, "Hi…" she shut the door behind her.

Cassie shifted in Shelby's arms but was otherwise unaffected by the sound.

"Hey, Rach," Shelby said.

"Mama…Can I spend some time with you for a while today? I had to get out of that apartment…"

_Uh oh…_ Shelby thought to herself. Aloud, she simply responded, "Sure, honey."

"I just—"Rachel paused and smiled softly at Cassie's position before continuing what she was saying. Shelby's face flushed lightly—her daughter seeing her with her college professor probably wasn't the most casual thing in the world. It would be something to get used to. "Things are sort of tense over there," Rach said. "No one will talk to one another."

Slowly, Shelby pulled herself out of Cassandra's grip, scaring the blonde. With careful hands, Shelby wrapped Cassandra's protective arms around her and placed a blanket on top of her, kissing her head. "Everything's fine, baby. Just relax," she reassured her. She knew well enough about Cassandra's panic attacks—some could be worse than Shelby's got. Most were about abandonment, and for a good reason. Cassandra's dark past was what made her so insecure, and Shelby accepted that, learned to handle it, and took care of her love so that she wasn't always so cautious. She had never managed to get Cassandra to take her wall down for anyone but Shelby—yet. It was always a constant work in progress.

"Come on, baby girl," Shelby said, once Cass was comfortable again. "Let's go to the kitchen. Want some tea?"

Rachel nodded and followed her mother. "Yes, please."

As Shelby made the two cups of tea, she thought about what Rachel had just said, "Things are sort of tense over there…" with a guilty conscience. She knew it was all her fault that things were tense. Had she just left Rachel alone about Santana, Kurt wouldn't have gotten involved, then Cassie wouldn't have gotten involved, and things wouldn't have been blown so far out of proportion.

"I am still so sorry I did that to you, baby girl," Shelby said, setting the tea down in front of her and Rach as they sat down at the table.

Rachel put a piece of her hair behind her ears and responded, "It's okay, mama. I don't blame you for what's going on…"

Shelby sighed, because Rachel had just made her feel worse. She completely deserved it. "I know, but still…" was all she could manage to say.

"Well," Rach took a sip of her tea. "We'll be fine, really, once Santana apologizes to Kurt for listening in on our conversation and Kurt apologizes for mocking me about Miss July."

Shelby couldn't help but be amused that Rachel, after everything that had been happening, still felt the need to call Cassie "Miss July".

"Yeah, good luck with that," she said about either one of them apologizing—Kurt might, just to ease the tension, but the day Santana apologized for eavesdropping would probably be the day that hell froze over.

"I know, I know," Rachel agreed somewhat sadly and with a sigh. "But a girl can dream…"

"I know that's right," Shelby drank down some of her tea and listened as Rachel laughed lightly.

"How's Miss July doing? With the rehab and staying sober and stuff…?"

At the sound of Cassie's title, Shelby felt the urge to glance into the living room at the woman. She was still asleep, if not fitfully so. Immediately, Shelby felt guilty for leaving her alone. "She's doing really well," she informed her daughter and watched as Cassie turned. She was tempted to get up and help her relax again. "She's four days sober, and hasn't gone to any meetings yet, but soon…I am so proud of her."

Cass turned again and moaned, clutching her hands to her chest before falling back asleep. Shelby knew it was part of quitting cold turkey, going through withdrawals. Cassandra was obviously starting to do so. Another guilty pang went through Shelby's gut like a knife, but she tried her best to ignore it. Cassandra needed to quit—she had to get better—and things would get worse before they got better. Shelby had to be strong for Cassandra, in the times where Cass couldn't do it herself.

"That's great mom," Rachel brought Shelby out of her thoughts. "See what happens when you try? I'm glad things are working out for you guys again, even if she IS my teacher and it's sort of weird…"

Shelby managed a half laugh. "I'm happy too, Rach. So happy."

After a moments pause, Shelby took another sip of tea, as did Rachel, before Rachel piped up,

"San won't talk to me…"

Shelby gave her daughter an apologetic glance. It was her fault after all, that she girl wouldn't speak to her daughter. "She will come around," she reassured the young brunette.

Rachel shrugged, unsure. "Mostly she's just been avoiding both of us and staying in her room."

"Well have you tried talking to her?"

"I have," Rachel sounded exasperated. "All the time. She just gets mad and walks away…"

"Hmm," Shelby drank her tea in contemplation. "Make her sit down and listen to you."

"How do I do that?"

"Why don't you sing her a song? Isn't that how you guys expressed emotions in Glee Club? Hell, baby girl, she's probably expecting it…she pretends she hates it when you and Kurt break into song, but I know she loves it."

Rachel pressed her lips together thoughtfully, "…I guess I didn't think about that. But what could I POSSIBLY sing to Santana?"

"I don't have all of the answers, Rach. Look inside and ask yourself what you're feeling and the song will come on it's own."

Rachel laughed at the thought of her mother not having all the answers—Shelby always seemed to know what to do. "Okay…"

Before they could discuss anything else, a pain-filled moan escaped Cassie from the living room. She sat up on the couch, holding her head in her hands.

"She's awake for good now," Shelby said, standing and pouring her a cup of tea. "Let's go give her this…trust me, she'll need it…" It had been so long since Shelby had been in the presence of a sober Cassandra and she was worried about how the dancer would react to the feeling. She knew it wouldn't be pleasant for a while…until she grew used to being without alcohol. It was going to be a long process.

Shelby made her way towards her girlfriend (if everyone else was going to call Cassandra that, she decided she might as well give in to the title). Cass slowly opened her eyes to see Rachel and Shelby. She glanced down at her outfit of a tank top and yoga pants, trying to collect her thoughts. She ran her hands distractedly through her long, tangled blonde hair. Shelby sat down next to her, carefully handing her the tea after placing a kiss to her temple.

"Good morning, Sleeping Beauty."

Whimpering at the sound of anything, her head throbbing, Cassie managed to say, almost weakly, "Beauty?" and slowly sip on her hot tea. It burned her mouth and throat going down but she closed her eyes, enduring it, pretending the burn was whiskey. It was definitely better than nothing.

"You are always beautiful to me," Shelby smiled sheepishly, not wanting to get too mushy in front of Rachel but recognizing a lost cause as Cassandra answered back,

"You're not too bad looking yourself, sexy," she smiled knowingly, trying to get her head to stop spinning to no prevail, suddenly somehow just realizing that Shelby's daughter was in fact sitting right there. She vowed not to say anything that she would regret saying in front of Schwimmer.

Realizing how badly Cassandra's head must have been hurting her, Shelby stood and walked to her medicine cabinet in the bathroom, coming back a few minutes later with some aspirin. "Here, baby, take this."

"Oh my god," Cassandra looked as if Shelby had just saved her from drowning. "I knew I loved you…" she downed it immediately before finally acknowledging Rachel's presence in the room. "Morning, Schwimmer."

Timidly, still trying to figure her teacher's motives out, and still very aware of Cassandra's constant attitude towards her, Rachel answered, "Good morning, Miss July."

Rachel's fear somehow fueled Cassandra's courage. She had control again and god did it feel good…especially after not having any control whatsoever to what's happening with her body. "You been practicing that tango or am I going to have to whip you into shape tomorrow?"

"I've—I've been practicing," Rachel promised.

"Excellent," Cass took another drink of tea and leaned back on the couch, up against Shelby. "Means I won't have to waste my breath shouting…" she couldn't imagine what torture it would be, trying to lead all of her classes the next day. Especially if she felt as shitty the next day as she did right now.

"Right," Rachel finally got the courage to roll her eyes, knowing that her mother was right there and that Cassandra wouldn't just outright bully her. Not in front of Shelby.

Cass shook her head at Rachel, who was so much like Shelby. The strong headed nature, the "I don't care what you think of me" attitude. She was really starting to look to Rachel as a protégé. "You roll your eyes at me now, Ohio…" she took another sip of tea, nursing her headache. "But you'll thank me one day when you can dance circles around all of the other pathetic wannabes in my class. I single you out because I know you can take it."

It was the first time she had ever explained her teaching style to anybody, and it felt too personal. Immediately, she wanted to take back what she said, but she knew it was too late. Rachel snapped back right away, getting defensive.

"Well sometimes you're a little too much."

Cass scoffed, hurting her head when she did so. "Please, Ohio. You haven't seen me at my worst, Schwimmer, and if you can't handle me at my worst you sure as hell don't deserve me as a teacher at my best. Broadway's harder than you think, kid." _I would know…_

Pondering whatever the hell Cassandra meant by THAT statement, Rachel simply responded, "Ummm…okay. Anyway, mom, thanks for letting me come over. I need to head home…to figure some things out."

"Of course, honey, you're always welcome. Remember what I told you…and you know, just because Cassie's awake doesn't mean you have to leave…she'll behave, I'll be sure of it." Shelby smiled at her daughter and then glanced at her girlfriend, who raised an eyebrow in protest.

"Behave? I'm afraid I don't know the meaning of that word," Cass teased. Rachel laughed for the first time ever at her professor, before informing her mom,

"I know I just need to go deal with this. No time like the present…"

"Okay, well, if you're sure…I'm always here for you, baby girl. Good luck."

Rachel left and Shelby laid her head on Cassie's shoulder. "Sorry, baby. I wasn't expecting her…"

Cassie shrugged softly. "It's fine, babe. I'm just not used to seeing my students outside of class," she sounded like it wasn't fine, and Shelby knew better. Cass was vulnerable, she was sober, and she just had to have a talk with the student she pushed the hardest. It was a lot of emotions to deal with at once, and Shelby knew how much Cass despised emotions.

"I know," Shelby admitted. "This is going to be difficult."

"It's definitely going to take some getting used to…especially if she hangs out with that Santana girl all the time…I mean I know they're roommates, but if all she's going to do is blame me for Schwimmer loving me or whatever…"

"Oh, that," Shelby realized that Cassandra still didn't have a clue what had gone down the day before. She applauded her, really, for lasting so long without information—it wasn't often that Cassie just went along with things. Shelby felt lucky that she did so just for her.

Cassandra, however, had apparently caught on, somewhat, as she said, "Yeah, Schwimmer's roommate is obviously all over her."

Deciding that there probably wouldn't be a better time for explanation, Shelby said, "Yes, and the feeling is mutual, except neither wants to admit it to the other one. Rach isn't crushing on you…Kurt thought that she was, and San was eavesdropping and over heard their conversation."

Slowly nodding her head but deciding against it once she realized how dizzy it made her, Cass responded, "Ahh. Now things are starting to make sense…and thank god she isn't because I would have had to have a serious talk with that girl, and THAT is something that neither of us wants to do…"

"Right," Shelby agreed, cuddling closer to Cassandra. "I'm sorry you're in so much pain, baby," she whispered.

Cassandra pretended it was no big deal, even though she felt like if there was any more pressure in her head, it was going to explode. "It's okay, Shelbs. Worth it for you," and it was the truth. But she didn't want to talk about that. She needed another distraction, so she continued their conversation. "So I'm guessing Kurt is the other roommate?"

"Oh, yeah, sorry," Shelby had forgotten how much Cass didn't know about her life.

"It's okay, Corcoran, I'm catching up," Cass gave her that knowing smirk that Shelby had always found incredibly sexy. Shelby bit her lip to keep from acting upon her emotions at the look and Cass kept talking, distracting herself from the pain she was in.

"What the hell happened to Weston? Wasn't Schwimmer all over that?"

"Ha," Shelby scoffed sarcastically. "You don't know what your own students are up to?"

"Oh? Do I sense trouble? Like I told you before—I don't get paid to be apart of all that drama, I'm just paid to create it. Do I get in on it sometimes? Hell yes. Especially when it comes to Schwimmer…making her jealous that one time was the highlight of my week. In any case, I know that Weston was a hot piece of ass while he lasted, and I know that Schwimmer is too good for him."

"Well, yeah, I guess." It took Shelby a minute to remember what Cassie was talking about, making Rachel jealous, until she realized that Rachel HAD in fact told her about that incident. It had made Shelby incredibly jealous as well, but she wasn't about to admit that now. She knew how hot it made Cassandra when Shelby got jealous over something. Finally she decided to just continue the conversation. "Brody is a male prostitute."

This made Cassandra choke on her tea, coughing as she set it down on the table. "Ha! Weston? A man whore? Well I can totally see it, I just didn't know it…that must have pissed off Ohio, no wonder her girl is so defensive…"

"Well Santana found out a long time ago and tried to tell Rach but she wouldn't believe her."

"And thus the love affair began,"

Shelby nodded. 'That's when Santana admitted her feelings towards Rachel to me, yes."

"Well," Cassandra took Shelby by the waist and pulled her close, pecking a kiss on her neck. God her head hurt. She really needed something to drink…_NO._ She fought herself. _Shelby will never forgive you this time if you slip. Be careful…you can't stand to lose her again. Distract yourself with her. Just think about her…_ "You don't have to worry about any of THAT again, and Rachel's girlfriend shouldn't either—rest assured, sweetheart, I would NEVER sleep with your daughter."

"Oh, you better not," Shelby said with all seriousness, but with a smile.

"Can't, I'm too busy with YOU," Cass promised, putting her head in the crook of Shelby's neck and inhaling her wonderful scent. So natural, so beautiful, so amazing, and so wonderfully Shelby. It was inviting. She was distracting, and Cassandra loved it. Missed it. Craved it.

"Mmm. Good," Shelby answered, going along with whatever it was Cassie was doing to her neck.

"Well yes, actually it is," Cassie spoke against Shelby's neck, giving the brunette shivers. "Hmmm," the vibration of Cassandra's hum made Shelby's stomach twist. "We have all day to ourselves…what do you want to do?"

"I was just about to ask you the same thing," Shelby tried to control her breathing. It had been so long since she'd fooled around with Cassandra like this. She was afraid to sleep with her so soon again. Her throat went dry as Cassandra said suggestively,

"Hmm, well I can think of a few things I'd like to do,"

Shelby caught on, "Not happening, July."

Cass backed off a bit, remembering Shelby's limits. "Mmm. Well you can't hate me for trying…"  
Shelby smiled, "No, I suppose I can't."

"Well then what did YOU have in mind?"

Shelby thought about it, knowing that going out somewhere was not high on either one's list of priorities. "Movie?"

"Sounds good, babe," Cass prepared herself for some sort of romantic comedy that Shelby had always loved, or something Barbra. There was ALWAYS something Barbra. "What movie?" she dared to ask.

"You pick," Shelby took her by surprise by changing things up.

Cassandra widened her eyes. Shelby never let her have control of things—they were always fighting for control, because it was something both women couldn't live without. It had often been one of their relationship problems. "Really? You're not going to force me through Funny Girl?"

"Not today," Shelby laughed.

"Wow, someone's daring. How about…Chicago?" Cassie suggested. She was on edge, she felt sick. She needed to just cuddle with Shelby and get her mind off of drinking. So Chicago might not exactly take her mind off of drinking…but Shelby would.

"That's fine, put it in," Shelby smiled. "I'll be right back.

"Okay," Cassie went to get the movie together. Finally, she and Shelby would just be able to relax with each other. This was what they needed right now.

. . .

Rachel walked back to her apartment, thinking about how she was going to go about this. She thought about what Shelby had told her, and thought about the conversation they had, then what she said when she left.

"…No time like the present…"

Like no day but today…

That was it! She knew what she was going to sing to Santana.

She made it back to the apartment to find Kurt in his room, flipping through Vogue magazines. Santana was on the couch, going through a ballet catalogue she must have stolen from Cassandra's office. Santana had always loved dance, unbeknown to most people. She had been hoping to get back to it, now that she was in New York. She barely acknowledged Rachel's existence as the brunette made her way through the apartment, setting her keys on the counter.

"San?" she heard the girl ask, sounding nervous.

If Rachel was nervous, then something must have been wrong. Hesitantly, only because she cared for the girl so much, Santana lifted her head to look at Rachel. "Yeah?" she set the catalogue down on her lap and gave Rachel her undivided attention. She was sick of fighting with her, in all reality. There was way too much drama and tension going on and it bothered Santana, reminding her of high school.

"I…I have something to say to you," Rachel said, seemingly unsure of what she was doing. She took a seat in front of Santana and Kurt, unbeknown to Rach and Santana, perked up at this piece of news, lifting his attention from his magazine and watching from his "room", which was really only separated from the rest of the apartment by a sheet. "But I have to sing it to you, like in Glee? It's the only way I can really think to do this."

"Um…Okay…?" San really hadn't a clue what to do with this bit of information.

A capella, Rachel started singing,

"There's only us, there's only this. Forget regret, or life is yours to miss. No other road, no other way, no day but today. There's only yes, only tonight. We must let go, to know what's right. No other path, no other way, no day but today. I can't control my destiny. I trust my soul; my only goal is just to be. There's only now, there's only here. Give in to love, or live in fear. No other course, no other way, no day but today…"

Kurt's jaw dropped as he recognized the RENT song. It was sung out of love. So SANTANA was the one that Rachel was in love with. No shit?!

Santana's heart started racing as she too recognized the song. Holy sweet hell, Shelby wasn't just saying things when she claimed that she was the one Rach was in love with, and not Cassandra? It felt too good to be true. Santana basked in the moment, trying to convince herself it was true. Rachel had tears in her eyes and she was shaking like crazy. Carefully, and exploring new territory, new feelings, new everything, Santana took both of Rachel's hands.

She had never been so tender with anybody besides Brittany, and sort of Dani. She had never had feelings like this though—this was completely new. It terrified her to the core, but Rachel's angel-like singing voice that Santana had always been relaxed by, calmed her. She gave herself courage—she was Santana Marie Fucking Lopez. She came from Lima Heights Adjacent. If she could do all that she's done, she can go out with Rachel Berry, right? How hard could it really be?

"Hey," She finally said, softly. "Rachel, I…" she wasn't sure she was ready to say "I love you". She'd take it one step at a time. "Will you go out with me?"

Kurt almost fell off of his bed. SANTANA LIKED RACHEL TOO?! HOT DAMN.

Rachel's heart sped up in her chest. Santana was asking her out? Her song actually worked? What?! But…but this was Santana. She didn't know how to date Santana! She didn't know how to date ANY girl!

Her feelings answered for her,

"Of course,"

"Tonight?" Santana bit her cheek, thinking herself too forward, even if they DID already live together…

"Sure," Rachel gave her a smile and boldly kissed Santana's cheek. "First I have to go talk to Shelby for a minute…"

Kurt finally decided to leave his room, pretending to just get in on the conversation, casually, "Didn't you just come back from there?"

Santana didn't care where the hell Rachel went as long as she promised to come back. The electricity of Rachel's kiss, even if only just on the cheek, gave Santana goosebumps. GOOD goosebumps. She practically broke out into a nervous sweat.

"No," Rachel lied. "I was at the studio practicing. I'd had it reserved," she let go of Santana's hands and reached for her keys on the counter, stopping her hands from shaking. "I'll be back later on?"

It was all Santana could do to nod and answer, "Okay, yeah, sure. I'll be here…"

"Great," Rachel smiled before walking out the door, her heart pounding so hard she was afraid it might fall out of her chest. Santana had asked her out…tonight. She felt like she was going to pass out. It was a good thing she was such a good actress.


	7. Learning Process pt 2

Cass got the movie into the player and was waiting for Shelby to get back from wherever she was at. She heard the microwave going and assumed she was making popcorn or something. Before she could search for her, Shelby's phone went off on the table in front of her. She looked around for the brunette.

"Shelbs?!" she called but got no response. With a timid hand, (it had been a long time since she'd touched Shelby's phone, let alone answered it for her, and she wasn't sure if Shelby would freak over it), she answered.

"Hello?"

The voice of a man replied, and Cassie automatically felt anxious. He slurred his words as he said, "Hey baby, took you long enough to answer…"

Her heart raced. Who the hell did this man think he was, calling Shelby "baby"?!

"Um, excuse me?"

"Shelby? Baby, it's me, Will."

"Will…" Cassandra's mind got sneaky. She would find out who this man was and he would never know that she wasn't Shelby. "Of course,"

"How's it goinnnnnnn?" he drew out his words.

"Oh, it's going," Cass was disgusted by him. He had already hit three strikes in her mind—he called Shelby baby, he was definitely drunk, and he couldn't distinguish between Shelby and Cassandra. He couldn't have loved her too much and that didn't slide with her. She realized she had no room, bad talking a drinker, but all the same, she was pissed. "Why are you calling?" she finally decided it was worth asking.

"I miss you baby,"

"Is that so?" Cass raised an eyebrow, crossing her arm over her chest.

"Yes, I am so stupid, I shouldn't have broken up with you."

_Ahh. He's an ex._ _Shelby has dated MEN after she dated me? Interesting…_

She had to find out what she did to make him break up with her. If she did it on purpose.

"Mmm. And why again did you do it? Was it worth it, do you think?" she tried her best to use phrasing that Shelby would. Apparently it worked, because he kept talking, un-phased.

"I left you because I thought I loved Emma. No, it wasn't worth it."

_Emma. Why'd you get yourself into something so complicated, Shelbs?_

In any case… "It's too late for apologies now, Will." Cassandra said angrily. He had obviously hurt Shelby, or he wouldn't be apologizing. Nobody hurt Shelby, and no one was going to leave Shelby for someone else. Shelby was better than ANYONE out there, and if he was too stupid to see that, he wasn't worth her time.

"I'm sorry, Shelbs." He didn't sound very sorry and Cassandra's emotions got the best of her as she answered,

"Sorry? You want to talk to me about sorry after leaving me for another woman?"

"Yes, it was a mistake baby."

"I'm not your baby," Cassandra spit scathingly.

"I love you," he tried again. "Don't you remember what we had?"

Cass finally decided to give up her Shelby charade. She was done talking to this jerk.

"Do you not get what I'm saying to you? You need to back off." She was starting to get jealous and insanely over protective.

"Is there someone else?"

"Yes!" Cassandra said, exasperated. "There is! Someone who actually TRULY loves her!"

"Her?" now she had him confused. "I thought this was Shelby?"

"That's right, I'm not Shelby," she confessed. "But if you really loved her, you'd recognize her voice, am I wrong?"

"Who the fuck are you?" he wondered, clearly angry.

Cass smirked at his anger—it fueled her to keep going. "Goodbye, Will." She needed to get back to her Shelby.

"NO, you fucking bitch!"

"I SAID GOODBYE. NEVER call here again!" she hit the phone off and threw it down onto the couch, pissed.

Finally, Shelby made it back into the living room, a confused look on her face. "Why were you yelling, baby?"

Straightening, slightly, Cass picked Shelby's phone back up and set it carefully on the table. Did she really want to explain everything to Shelby? No, she wanted to have a drink. She needed it so bad. She felt so nauseous…her throat burned. She wasn't about to lie to Shelby about everything though.

"What is it, baby?" Shelby noticed Cassandra as she held her hands to her head in irritation—why wasn't this aspirin kicking in yet?!

"Just some ass calling your phone, begging for you back after leaving you for some other bitch."

Shelby did her best not to smirk at Cassandra's tone of jealousy. Cassandra jealous was rare, but it was hot.

"Will?" she guessed.

"Yeah. He sounded high off his ass or drunk or some shit…"

"Oh god," Shelby worried, knowing it would drive Cassandra's jealousy over the edge. She thought maybe she shouldn't tease her today, but she couldn't help herself. "Maybe I should call him back and make sure he's okay," she wasn't exactly purposely making her jealous anymore. She was seriously concerned about Will. He had always only gotten drunk when something was seriously wrong.

"Don't bother," Cass said, annoyed. "He doesn't love you."

Shelby sighed, noticing she was making Cassandra MUCH more jealous than she had originally intended.

"I don't love him either, Cass," she promised. "It's just—"

"You sure about that?" Cassandra put her hands on her hips.

Shelby walked towards Cass, putting her hands on her arms, "Yes, baby."

Cassandra continued, "Really? Because that look on your face when you asked who it was—I didn't miss that."

"Baby, please. I only love you," how did she know this would happen? She couldn't truly blame Cassandra for being jealous, no matter how hot it was, it was also not fair that Shelby had started this. Will did need to be checked up on, but Cassandra need to be assured.

"…okay," she did not seem very assured.

"I mean it, Cassie." Shelby kissed her cheek. "Okay?"

Cassandra didn't know what to believe, so she simply changed the subject, backing out of Shelby's grasp. "In any case, he thought I was you the whole time. Can't have been too involved with you if he couldn't recognize your voice."  
"What?!" this completely caught Shelby off guard and changed things. "What did you say to him?! If he was drunk then he wouldn't have been able to pay attention, YOU of all people should know that!"

Cassandra threw her hands into the air, "What else would I have told him? I told him NOT to call you, you're so much better than him, babe! And what the hell is THAT supposed to mean? Are you comparing me to HIM?!" she was on edge, her head felt like it was on fire, and she really didn't want to fight with Shelby right now.

Shelby was already sick of arguing and regretting everything she had said. She knew that Cass was on edge without the alcohol to calm her, and starting this with her wasn't going to help anything. She tried to fix it,

"I didn't mean it like that, baby,"

"No, I'm sure you didn't, but you Corcorans never do, do you? Schwimmer's always saying things she didn't mean."

"Cassie, please," Shelby reached for her hand and took it and Cassandra's wall started to drop at her touch. Her voice broke as she said,

"…He called you baby like he owned you. Like you were his to call baby."

"I'm not, baby. I am yours." Cassandra took her hand back and squeezed it softly. "You know that," Shelby reminded her.

"Well, maybe you should've made sure he knew that."

Shelby gave a small smile, "If you would let me call him back…you can't just hang up on Will, or he will continue to bother us…"

Annoyed and wishing for her head to just stop, she handed Shelby the phone. "Do whatever the fuck you want; it's your phone…"

"…you have to talk to him like a child," Shelby said. "Baby please don't be mad at me…stay here with me while I call him?"

Cassandra took a long, soothing breath. "I'm not mad, babe, not really….okay."

Shelby redialed his number and he answered right away.

"Will?"

"Shelby, baby, is it really you? Or is it that other bitch again?"

Shelby took Cassandra's hand and scowled at his name calling. "It's me, Will. Look, we need to talk…"

He seemed to think that was an invitation to beg,

"Oh my god baby I've missed you so much…"

"Stop. Right. There." She squeezed Cassie's hand and Cassie squeezed back, closing her eyes and trying not to fall over.

"…Shelbs?" Will said. "Look, I was a fool for leaving you. I'm not in love with Emma, I only have sights for you!"

"Will, you need to stop. I am not available, I'm with Cassandra July. There was really nothing ever between you and me." Shelby spoke calmly, slowly, pronouncing her words.

At this, Will laughed. "CASSANDRA July? You're with a woman? That jealous bitch on the phone? You're not even gay!"

"She's not a bitch!" She barked into the phone before regaining her cool. "And yes, I am." She admitted. "That's why we can't have anything between us."

"Don't push me away again, baby. Things were different last time, but you don't have to make up lies just to get me to stop begging for you. I won't stop fighting for you, I need you."

This was getting tiring. Shelby was done with it.

"I'm not lying, Will. Now, you have talked to me, so leave me alone. Leave US alone."

"But baby, I—"

WHY was he so desperate?!

"Goodbye, Will."

"Shelby!"

She was fed up, and Cassandra was done listening, rolling her eyes.

"WHAT WILL?!"

"I LOVE YOU."

She was so done. She yelled her answer,

"No, you don't, you're DRUNK. Right now you'll love anything that will give you the time of day. I deserve so much better than you. Cassie is that person, now leave us alone. Don't call me ever again. Understand, William?"

Next to Shelby, Cassandra scoffed at "William", dying. Laughing hurt her head but it was worth it. Shelby smacked her playfully.

"Shelbbyyy babbyyyy I'm not drunk…"

Shelby was finished talking with him. She had been neglecting Cassandra and that wasn't okay with her. She leaned over and kissed the blonde's cheek in thanks for putting up with everything. Her jealousy had immensely turned Shelby on and though she wasn't prepared to act all the way, a little bit of acknowledgement was in order.

"Goodbye," she said into the phone, hanging up.

Cassandra kissed Shelby back and moaned into her touch. "Could he have been a little more desperate?" Cassandra whined. Her head hurt. She needed Shelby to make it better.

"I know," Shelby pressed herself closer and said, "I know, I know, I'm sorry that you thought I still want him. I don't." she proved it by letting her tongue slip across the top of Cassandra's lips and making the blonde squirm.

"It's okay, sweetheart," Cass told her. "I believe you now."

"I have the person I want, and that is you, Cassandra. You're the only one for me." She promised.

Cassie pulled away and looked deeply into Shelby's beautifully dazzling green eyes. "I love you so much,"

"I love you too, baby,"

"Mmmm," Cassie melted and kissed Shelby's lips lightly.

"Mmm," Shelby agreed, as Cassie gave her another kiss, then two.

"Baby," Shelby said softly, her heart racing. "We," kiss "have" kiss "too" kiss "stop" kiss "this".

"Mmmmm," she gave Shelby another kiss that made the brunette shut up. "I don't," kiss "Think we do," she pulled Shelby closer; lifting her into her arms and Shelby didn't exactly stop her.

Lightly, Shelby fell back onto the couch and pulled Cassandra down with her. Cass ran her hands through Shelby's long, gorgeous hair, and gave Shelby shivers. Shelby's body shook under Cassandra and Cass tightened her grip, steadying her.

"Mmm, Cass," Shelby whimpered. It had been far too long since she'd been touched by Cassandra like this. God she missed it so badly…but she knew she couldn't have it back, not like this. Make up sex wasn't special enough.

"Hmmm?" Cassie wondered, placing a light kiss below Shelby's ear. Shelby swooned, unable to stop herself, and Cassandra grinned, knowing she got her way.

"Nothing, baby," Shelby said.

"That's what I thought," Cassandra nibbled Shelby's ear and Shelby gasped, knowing they had to stop soon, or else she wouldn't be able to control herself. Hell, she wasn't controlling herself now and she knew it and it bothered her and if this was anybody but Cassandra she would have quit by now. But Cassandra…she knew just how to make Shelby lose her senses.

Cass straddled Shelby's waist and pressed herself against her. Shelby's eyes widened, "Oh, god…"

Before anything else could possibly happen, the front door flew open and Rachel barged through it. "Mom?!" she said, before noticing what was going on. Her eyes widened in shock when she did.

Cassandra moved off of Shelby so quickly that she practically face planted the floor, moving to the other side of the couch in protest. "WHAT. THE. HELL, SCHWIMMER?!" she demanded, her chest rising and falling heavily. She already missed Shelby's touch. Shelby moved her shirt back into place—it had fallen slightly askew on her shoulder.

"Shit, Rach!" she said, hurriedly.

Rachel blushed and laughed, "Oh…sorry…"

Cassandra's headache was returning and she moaned, throwing her head back and holding it with her hands. "Is there a legitimate reason you're here, or am I going to have to hurt you?!"

"Cassie," Shelby warned, finally catching her breath. "Leave her alone,"

Cass rolled her eyes and pulled her legs to her chest, dropping her head down to her knees. Shelby ignored her, because in all reality they had started to take things too far and she needed the excuse to stop, no matter how much she didn't want to.

"What's up, Rach?"

"I just…I needed to talk to you about…" Rachel cleared her throat, uncomfortable talking about Santana in front of Ms July. "Something…"

"Of course, baby girl," Shelby stood, "Let's talk about it in my room…"

Cass sighed and groaned loudly, being dramatic, but also feeling like hell again.

"Sorry, Cass,"

"Yeah, yeah, I'll survive. Go tell your daughter how to date a girl…"

Rachel's heart dropped, nervously. "Excuse me?"

"We all know that's why you're here…"

"Cassie, stop," Shelby said sternly. She didn't know how she was going to learn to get those two to get along, but she knew it needed to be done soon because things were starting to get ridiculous.

"What?" Cassandra got defensive. "I'm not being mean! I'm telling the truth."

"You need to respect Rachel if you're both going to be in my house."

"Ugh I tolerate her! Give me a break, babe!" Cass complained, irritated. She felt like she was going to be sick and Rachel Berry being here was not making her feel any better.

"Whatever," Shelby sighed. "We'll talk later." She grabbed Rachel's hand and practically dragged her to her bedroom. She needed to just take a deep breath. "Come on, Rach. What's up?" she asked once they finally made it away from Cass.

"Well…Santana might have sort of…asked me out."

"Really?!" Shelby grinned. "That's great!"

"Yeah, I just don't know what to do now…"

"Okay, well you like her, right?" Shelby said, stating the obvious.

"Well, yeah, but I don't know how to date ANY girl, mama, let alone Santana!"

"Just go with the flow, baby girl," Shelby said with a small smile. "Stop worrying so much and just go with it…"

"But…Santana was…she was very about…well she had a lot of partners in high school and I don't know…I don't…" She blushed so heavily she felt she might die, and Shelby blushed back.

Was her daughter seriously asking her how to have sex with Santana?! After she barged into her apartment and interrupted the first make out session with her girlfriend that she had had in YEARS?! She couldn't tell Rachel how to…she barely knew if she could still do it herself!

"Can't help you there, Rach," she mumbled out.

"What?! Why not?! Mom, I NEED you on this…Santana was the queen…" she picked at her thumbnail and stared at the floor. This was embarrassing enough as it was, and now Shelby wasn't even going to help her? She's been with Cassandra July—she has to know SOMETHING worthwhile!

"Look, Rachel, if she asked you out then she sees something in you…"

"Yeah, but…but she doesn't think I'm sexy or anything…no one does. Even Miss July said I'm not sexy enough for a tango."

Shelby shook her head. "Don't worry about Cassie, I'm working on it. Santana likes you so she must think you're attractive…"

"…I guess so," Rachel sighed. Maybe her mother was right. Maybe she'd just figure things out. Her heart raced. Or maybe she'd look like a fool in front of the sex queen. "What if I screw this up?"

"It'll be okay, baby girl," Shelby tried to convince her.

Rachel took a deep breath, knowing she should get back to the apartment and get ready for her date. "Okay. Okay, mama, I trust you."

"Good. Now, go home and talk to your girl. Apparently I need to have a talk with your teacher."

Rachel laughed lightly, "Remember how much you love her, mom…here goes nothing…"

"Knock next time?" Shelby asked, as they made it back into the living room.

Cass sat up, worried, and asked, "There's gonna be a next time?!"

Rachel laughed. "Bye, mom."

"Bye, Rachel." Rach shut the door and Shelby sat down next to Cass. "Baby, we need to talk."

"What did I do THIS time? Can we ever NOT be fighting? Let loose a little, Shelbs."

"This isn't a fight," Shelby kissed Cassandra's neck lightly. "Just lay off my daughter."

"I'm trying," Cass tilted her head back for another kiss but Shelby didn't give it to her.

"I know," Shelby smiled.

And it was true. She knew how hard Cassandra was trying, she understood how much pain the woman was in, and she was so proud. However she knew that Cass wouldn't be able to lay off Rachel by the next day, especially if those aspirin weren't going to start kicking in.

Cassandra was going to be in one hell of a mood during classes for a while, and Shelby pitied the students, in reality.

It was all going to be a long process, she realized. It was all a learning game.


	8. Dating On A Saturday

Santana paced the apartment, running her hands through her hair. She had so much to do before Rachel got back, and so little time to do it all and she had no idea where she was going to take Rachel for their date. She bit her lip. Had her asking been too spontaneous? Was it too soon?

She scoffed to herself. Fuck no it wasn't too soon—how long had she known Berry, after all? But she had no idea what she was getting herself into—not really, and she was admittedly terrified. She was sweating and jumpy and shaking and couldn't understand how one person—Rachel Berry, of ALL people—could make her feel so…nervous. So…head over heels. It was a feeling she was unaccustomed to, even when she was with Brittany she hadn't felt this strange.

If she had to admit it…she actually sort of LIKED the weird feelings she was having. They made her feel like a normal person with normal feelings and a heart. They reminded her that she still had a chance.

Cracking her knuckles, neck, and back, she stood, trying to seem casual, next to Kurt's room separator. She knew she had to talk to him—he was the only person who knew Rachel inside and out almost better than Rachel did. He would know where to take her…

With a shaky hand, she knocked on the wall next to the separator. "Kurt? Can we talk?" she tried not to sound too timid but she had a feeling it came off that way anyways.

Kurt, who was skyping with Blaine, peeked out from behind the curtain when he heard Santana's voice. Since when did Santana ever want to talk? Whatever the case, if she was asking, he assumed it was important (really, he just assumed it was about Rachel, because who else did she have to talk to when Rachel was at Shelby's?). He blew a kiss to Blaine and promised to call back later before saying, "Of course, San…This is different and very spontaneous of you…"

Santana was sick of wondering if things were spontaneous and his comment made her snap, crossing her arms. "Shut up. I asked Rachel out." Things like this made her feel defensive—her being gay to begin with was what had always made her a snappy bitch in high school, and she was still learning to knock the habit, but around Kurt and Rachel she was definitely trying.

"I know," Kurt admitted, not seeming very guilty about the whole ordeal when he added, "I was sort of eavesdropping…"

She was about to protest when she realized that had she not been doing the exact same thing when he and Rach were talking about Cassandra, a lot of shit wouldn't have gone down—and it definitely wasn't worth it to start another war. She called it even.

"Okay. Well I don't know much about what she likes…by the way, if this gets out—any of this—I WILL end you."

Kurt smirked, knowing that was code for "I love you and I'm trusting you so please don't hurt me back". He also scoffed at what she had said before that. "Of course you know what she likes! You've known her for how many years? I've seen the way you watch her every move…and who am I going to tell, really? Shelby and Blaine already know…"

She took a shaky breath, remembering that Dani didn't know and she was going to have to break up with the poor girl eventually. She shoved that thought aside for now. Tonight was about Rachel. Dani had always been a distraction from Rachel and now that she HAD Rachel, she wasn't about to let the situation get switched around. Finally she admitted, because besides Shelby and Rachel, Kurt was really her only friend,

"I'm nervous."

Kurt raised an eyebrow, deciding to tease her just a little bit. It was Santana, right? She would've done the same to him… "Santana Lopez is nervous? Where's the calendar, we have to mark the day…"

He was greeted with a glare when he looked up at her face. She obviously DID care that he was teasing her. He realized how serious her feelings must have been for Rachel. Admittedly, it shocked him, but he wasn't going to say anything against it. If Rachel really liked Santana as much as San seemed to like Rach, a BEAUTIFUL love story was bound to unfold.

"Fuck it," Santana turned to walk away, angry that he had made this a game.

"Santana, wait," he hurried after her, immediately feeling guilty. Had he realized that this wasn't just some crush earlier, he wouldn't have said what he had.

"What?!" she snapped back, spinning around to face him. Her heart was thumping and her head was spinning and she didn't know what else to do, if Kurt was just going to mock her. She needed help, damn it!

"You know I had to push this," he said softly. "It's new. You would've JUMPED at the chance to mock me or Rach…and don't you snap at me…we're friends now, remember? Is that any way to get help from me? You and I both know how badly you need it…"

Any other time, Santana Lopez would NOT under ANY circumstances admit to needing help. But Rachel was just a special case, and she would take all the help she could get—this was one thing she couldn't screw up.

"Okay, you're right, just—just help me," she added as a whisper, "Please…"

Kurt widened his eyes, "She's begging now too… a please and everything." He sat down on his bed, crossing his legs, and patted the spot next to him. Hesitantly, she followed his lead. "Look," he said once she was sitting, suddenly all business. "The way to Rachel's heart is obviously through Broadway, but she's a very romantic and "at home" person as well…a lot like Shelby and you DO know Shelby. The major difference between the two is that Shelby doesn't show her emotions as well and Rachel has a hard time ever hiding them."

"Okay…" Santana processed information that really she already knew in the back of her mind. "So…where should I take her? I don't have the money for Sardis…"

He had to ponder this question for a minute before his eyes lit up with a genius idea. "There's a family diner a few blocks away. She LOVES it there."

Santana perked up at the news. "Really?"

"Yes. It'd be perfect. You'd have her heart in seconds; she's already basically in love with you…"

"Is she really?!" she'd been told this numerous times already but never by Rachel so she didn't really know if it was fact. Besides that, she LOVED hearing it.

"She seems to be, how could you not know this?! I thought nothing got past "Miss Lima Heights Adjacent? Even SHELBY knows, come on now, she doesn't even live with us…"

"Well, I didn't want to get my hopes up so I sort of just ignored her advances," Santana admitted for the first time, even to herself. It shocked her when it came out of her mouth.

"And THAT my dear was your first mistake—you could've had her much sooner."

"I know," Santana rolled her eyes at her own stupidity. "Anyways, I gots to go get ready now. Thanks, Hummel," she said the last part completely sincerely. She really appreciated his help and Kurt knew she did because she had finally stopped shaking AND she was thanking him.

Kurt gave her a warm smile, excited to see how this Rachel/San love would flourish. He was going to ask her what was going to happen to Dani, but he decided not to push it. She was too excited to ruin her mood and for all he knew they could've already broken up. He simply replied, "Anytime, Santana. Don't be afraid to ask anymore. We're family, you know…"

"Okay," she uncrossed her arms and walked away to get ready, running through a list in her head of all she had to do. Make up, hair, dress, flowers? Definitely flowers. Tonight would be perfect if it killed her—this was Rachel Berry they were talking about.

. . .

An hour or so after Rachel had left, Cassandra and Shelby sat on the couch in a very comfortable position—Cass had her head in Shelby's lap and Shelby was playing with her long strands of blonde hair as they talked. Cassandra's stomach growled unexpectedly and she looked up into Shelby's eyes. Shelby looked down at her with an amused smirk.

"Babe, do you own food? I'm starved…" Cass admitted. She couldn't remember the last time she OR Shelby had actually eaten anything.

"Yes, go help yourself. Pantry and fridge," Shelby answered. Eager for food and for a distraction from her nausea, Cass walked to the fridge and opened it, glaring; she was amused yet irritated at Shelby's lack of GOOD food. All she had were vegetables and fruits and healthy crap. Tilting her head back, Cass complained,

"This shit is wayyyyy too healthy and that's coming from ME," this meant something, considering Cassandra was WAY in shape and usually ate as healthy as she could in order to stay that way—she also encouraged her students to do the same, because an unhealthy dancer made for a bad performance. "A little chocolate, a pizza—they won't kill your skinny ass every once in a while, C." She admitted.

Shelby turned her head from the couch in the living room and shook it slowly. "I have to work to look this good, honey. Not everyone can have abs like yours," she had always been shamefully jealous of the blonde's abs, as she assumed everyone was. Of course, Shelby had her own set that drove Cassandra wild, but they weren't NEARLY as up to par as Cassie's were.

"Oh, please," Cassandra tossed the comment aside like yesterday's old newspaper. "You're sexy little ass is gorgeous no matter what and these abs just come from dancing; if you wanted to get that close to me you could've just said so…" she added suggestively.

Shelby rolled her eyes and rubbed her hands down her arms. Cassie had been her space heater before she left and she was missing the comfort of the woman. "Ugh. Just find something to eat and come back. I'm cold."

Raising an eyebrow, Cass teased, "Oh, was my presence keeping you comfortable? Great to know that I'm needed…"

Shelby laughed, "Oh, shut up."

Shaking her head, deciding that the food in Shelby's pantry was no good either, she grabbed her keys off the counter and threw her jacket on. "Grab your jacket," she commanded.

"What?" Shelby stood and walked towards her now. "Where are we going?" she took her jacket off of the chair as she passed it and slipped it on.

"To buy you some REAL food. If I'm expected to come over here and EAT I can't deal with all of this healthy shit. You have to let loose a little."

"Ugh. Fine."

Before opening the door, Cassandra turned to face Shelby, their bodies so close that they could feel the heat exchange between them. Boldly, she slipped her hand into Shelby's warmly. "You love me."

"Only sometimes," Shelby winked and gave Cassie's hand a small squeeze.

Pretending to be fazed by the comment, Cass put her free hand over her heart as the left the apartment building and started down the street. "Oh, that hurt. I'm wounded, truly…" but her body language didn't prove it as she snuggled closer to Shelby while they walked.

"Oh, I love you, Cass," Shelby said with a smile, breathing in Cassandra's wonderfully her scent, as they were that close. She had MISSED this closeness more than she could say. She had missed Cassandra so much and all of the time she was spending with the woman today was reminding her of why she fell in love with her to begin with.

"Mmm," Cassandra felt quite the same way, but didn't understand how to put into words what she was feeling for the wonderful woman whom had recently come back into her life. God how she had missed this. She COULD NOT let her get away ever again, or else she knew it might just kill her. "I love you too, Shelbs."

After a comfortable moments' pause, Cassie re-brought up the original topic, "So why don't you own any good food?" they were half way to the store.

Shelby rolled her eyes and smirked, playfully. Why was Cassandra so bothered by this? Cassie knew that Shelby treated her body like a machine—she rarely ever ate for pleasure. Half the time she didn't do anything for pleasure, she was usually all business. She had been trying to work on it recently though, maybe Cassie was what she needed to relax and unwind. She laughed. Cassie was DEFINITELY what she needed to relax and unwind. "I own plenty of good food."

"Really?" Cassandra taunted. "Because I don't think rice cakes count."

"Sure they do," Shelby teased back. "Like I said before, I can't just eat whatever I want." And this was something she truly believed—she had never really eaten whatever she wanted. She had never seen the point in it—all she needed food for was to have energy to function for her shows and rehearsals and work—and she had to look good if she was going to be an all-business kind of woman.

However, Shelby's comment struck Cassandra as odd. She remembered that Shelby didn't agree with putting "junk" in her body, but she had always assumed that it was because Shelby was raised by strict ass parents that never let the poor girl have any fun; the ones who wanted her to be a lawyer instead of a performer. Maybe, she thought, this "no junk food and nothing for pleasure" attitude had flourished from Shelby's raising and nobody had been able to crack the code yet. Cassandra smirked, _Challenge accepted._

"And why not?" she demanded, wanting to see what Shelby would say before she set her plan of trying to get Shelby to ease the tension in her life to action. The poor brunette HAD to stop being so hard on herself all the time.

"I have to work for my body," Shelby repeated her answer from earlier. "We've already discussed this."

Cassandra replied, exasperated, "I work for my body too, baby, but not THAT hard. You don't have to kill yourself over it. You don't have to impress anybody—you already have me."

"I know I do baby, but still…"

"But nothing. You're sexy as HELL. Your body is perfect. Eat the damn hot fudge sundae."

Shelby snorted and then laughed, "Okay, so this is basically a junk food run?" she wasn't sure how completely comfortable with the idea she was but she had been thinking about how this time around would go with Cassandra. If Cassandra was willing to step out of HER comfort zone and sober up, then Shelby had to be willing to step out of HER comfort zone for Cassie too, right? And she trusted Cassie. She knew she would get through it.

Cassandra laughed back. "This is DEFINITELY a junk food run. It's a dire emergency."

Shelby pursed her lips. "One condition…"

Raising an eyebrow, Cassie said, "Oh?"

Their feet hit the sidewalk in perfect synchronization as they walked, pulling close to each other for warmth—their hands had never left each other's' grasp. The crisp late autumn air was starting to get whippy and Shelby's hair was whisked behind her occasionally, which she ignored. It made Cassandra stare.

Shelby playfully slapped Cassandra's arm and smiled, knowing that that "oh" had been the slightest bit suggestive, as Cassie always was. It drove her crazy and she loved every second of it, but she wasn't about to just agree to Cassie's advances like that—she was NOT that easy. "You have to go running with me if I buy this junk food you speak of."

"UUUUGH do you not understand I'm already on my feet from dusk till dawn? Extra running? No thank you… how about…you go dancing with me instead? Hmmm? My studio is mine alone unless I let certain students take it out for rehearsals….I think a tango would be right up your alley…"

Cassandra's mention of a tango made Shelby think back to some earlier conversations she had had with Rachel. _"She says I don't have the sex appeal to dance the tango mom. 'Because when you're dancing the tango with somebody, you're seducing them,"_ She had said. This sent good shivers all the way down Shelby's spine and her emotions answered before her brain could think it over.

"Okay,"

And surprisingly enough she didn't mind that her feelings made her do that. Around Cassie, she was starting to think that letting her emotions take control every once in a while might not be such a bad idea. She knew she had to get that wall to break down—the wall was unnecessary around Cassandra, and if Cass was going to try to do the same for her, the least Shelby could do was reciprocate.

Shelby's answer made Cass stop in her tracks, forcing Shelby to stop with her. "Really? It's that easy to get you to dance with me? Had I known that I would've asked you a long time ago…" she raised a curious eyebrow, because she knew that had she asked any earlier in their this-time-around relationship, Shelby would've been hesitant about it.

Shelby just smiled, "Mmhmm," and cuddled back into Cassie as they started walking again.

Finally, they had made it the ten blocks to the store.

"Okay," Cassie playfully swung Shelby's arm back and forth and Shelby giggled lightly. "This is what we're going to do. Chocolate. Wine,"

Shelby gave her a glare that said, "I can't tell if you're kidding or not but don't even bring it up,"

At this, Cass pressed her lips together. "No wine. Frozen pizza. Mmmm, what about some chocolate covered cherries?"

Shelby shook her head, recognizing a lost battle on her part. Cassandra was hell bent on unhealthy eating, and all Shelby could think was that she was lucky it was a Saturday night. She would have Sunday to recover.

"Okay," she finally agreed because it might be nice to not eat health food for one night and just eat whatever. "Oooooh, if we're getting junk food we HAVE to get cheesecake. It's my weakness."

Cassie gave her a smirk and a peck on the cheek, "Now you're talking, babe. I'm going to corrupt that adorably healthy mind of yours if it's the last thing I do."

"Oh, puhlease…" Shelby said dramatically, laughing and really enjoying herself for the first time in a while as she and Cassandra rounded another aisle. Cassie HAD to get those chocolate covered cherries (which Shelby admittedly thought sounded AMAZING, but she didn't dare say it aloud—she would not give Cass the satisfaction), after which she said,

"Seriously! This will happen. I will figure out how to break that damn wall…"

This made Shelby soften up a little as she looked at her new….renewed? Ex-girlfriend…girlfriend? Girlfriend. She remembered how much she loved the word even in her thoughts. She looked at her girlfriend and Cassandra looked back, muttering a,

"Please, C, I know it's still there. But we can be the way we were before, and we will—I'm going to make sure of it."

"Really?" Shelby's voice was full of hope and admiration.

"Of course—I'm sobering up, aren't I?"

And that was really the biggest amount of proof Shelby needed.

After another twenty minutes or so of shopping around, with the cart containing no healthy item whatsoever, Shelby threw a bag of chips in the cart and sighed. She didn't think she had ever had THAT much fun just shopping before. But Cassandra made everything seem like an adventure, and that was one of the things Shelbs had always loved the most about her.

"Okay. Can we go now?"

Cassie looked down into the cart, mocking a sigh, "It's not nearly enough to corrupt with, but it'll do, I suppose…"

Shelby gave her a small smile. "You're impossible," she teased. "Let's go home."

"Finnnneeeee." Cassie took Shelby's hand again as she paid for everything she was making Shelby get. She only thought it fair that she was paying—it wasn't exactly food that Shelby wanted, (well, she wanted it, she just didn't WANT to want it) and Cass knew that had she not forced this, Shelby wouldn't have done it.

Shelby's heart leapt like a teenage girl with a crush when Cassandra took her hand, ever so casually, as if nothing had changed. It gave Shelby a sense of hope that maybe nothing had. Perhaps, she thought, they really could make this work again, just like before, like Cassandra had vowed to make happen. She rested her head in the crook of the blonde's neck and thought about how she never wanted the weekend to end. She just wanted Cassandra to hold her. It was amazing how much could happen in a week.

. . .

Santana had timed everything perfectly. She gave Rachel just the right amount of time that she assumed the brunette would need to get ready, and in said time she rushed to the market for a dozen roses to give to her date. On her way, since she had originally told Rach that she would be at the apartment when she got back, she texted Rach and told her she would be back by seven.

It was now 6:59.

San's palms were sweating nervously and she had to stop in front of the apartment door to compose herself for a minute before she went in. Her breaths were short and constricted—she had never been so anxious about anything in her life, and she realized it was because nothing else had ever seemed so important. It was RACHEL BERRY. The woman she had been crushing on for years but was too chicken to say—cause what if Rach said no? Rach wasn't even into girls, or so San had believed for such a long time.

She didn't have time to be mad at Rach for not telling her sooner—it wasn't as if she had willingly come out either. Besides, she was finally getting what she had always wanted—Rachel Berry. So why was she so nervous?

She knew she couldn't screw this up. If it were anyone else, she wouldn't have been so panicky. But this was Rachel—roommate, friend, crush. She was different from all of the other girls. Rachel Berry was special. She was also Santana's best friend's daughter. San shook her head—it sounded so creepy when she thought about it like that, but if Shelby wasn't so much older than her then it wouldn't have been…

Santana cleared her throat, straightened her perfectly hip hugging, short green dress, and knocked on her own apartment door.

From the inside of the apartment, Rachel had been freaking out. She had spent most of her time finding out what to wear—she had chosen a simple black dress with a silver belt across the middle. The other part of the time she had to kill by doing her hair. She hadn't done much—she'd curled it and it was all resting over one shoulder. Now she was just pacing the room, biting her lip.

_What if I babble like an idiot? Or say something stupid? What if I didn't dress right? How do I go out with a girl? How do I go out with SANTANA?! Do I pay or does she? Was I supposed to bring her flowers? What if the date is horrible and we awkwardly come home and just look at each other? What are we going to say to Kurt? Or Shelby? We'd never hear the end from Cassandra…Hell, we'll never hear the end of it from her now anyways…How is tonight going to end? What if—_

A knock on the door interrupted her worrying and with a glance at the clock, she answered it, slightly confused. She smiled at the sight of Santana, in a very Santana-Lopez green dress that hugged her hips in all the right places, holding a bouquet of a dozen roses in her arms. Rachel blushed as she caught herself staring,

"San?" she laughed lightly. "…This is your apartment,"

Immediately, out of habit and nerves, Santana got defensive. "Shut up. I'm trying here, Hobb—Rachel…" with shaking hands, she handed Rachel the roses.

"Hey, hey," Rachel said softly, accepting the roses and smelling them excitedly. They were a gorgeous blood red and Rachel's heart fluttered at the fact that Santana knew what her favorite kind of roses looked like… "I love them. I do. Thank you," she went over to the kitchen sink, trimmed them hurriedly, filled the empty vase on the table and set them gently into it with a grin.

"You're welcome," Santana bit the inside of her cheek and watched as Rachel walked around the room in her ever-so-theatrical way. "So…are you ready?"

Rachel nervously but happily made her way back over to Santana and grinned from ear to ear, knowing she seemed a little too eager but that if Santana had been crushing on her for as long as she had said, she'd probably just find it very Rachel-Berry-esque and laugh at it. "More than ready. You have no…" she shook her head and smiled. "You have no idea how long I've wanted this…"

"Awe, well let's go then, babe," Santana couldn't help but smile back as she boldly reached out for Rachel's hand.

Shaking slightly, Rachel took a deep breath. Santana was quick to notice her hesitation and hoped it was out of nerves and not that San was going too fast…Carefully, Rachel took Santana's hand. This was new, this was scary but it was beautiful as an electric current seemed to shoot up her arm, going straight to her heart and making her feel alive.

"Where are we going?" she asked, suddenly having more confidence than before.

"You'll see," Santana smirked and silently thanked Kurt for the destination chosen, hoping that he was right and that Rachel would love it and find it romantic. "But we're going to walk, is that okay? I've just always wanted to walk with you in the city in the moonlight," she paused, wondering if she was being too cliché or if she should make her date walk to their dinner…she sped up an addition, "But if you don't want to, we can get a cab…"

Rachel couldn't stop the grin from spreading across her face because she had never seen anybody so tense or frightened, least of all Santana, and because she could relate to the feeling for sure. "You can breathe, San, really. This is just as new to me as it is to you…more so to me, and I'd love to walk with you in the moonlight. It's very romantic,"

San took a deep breath and wrapped her arm around Rachel, excited that Rachel seemed to think she was doing things right so far. Rachel leaned into Santana's embrace and whispered, admitting feelings, "I'm…I'm really new to all of this…I don't really know what to do."

"You're doing great, Rach, and you will be just fine. I'm nervous, too. You're not like the others. You're better. You were the one that I always wanted but never thought you were interested and now you are and I just…I don't know what to think," Santana had never spoken so much of her emotions at once before, and she dared to believe it actually felt…good. It felt _really_ good.

"Well," Rachel thought about it. "Maybe we should both just…take a deep breath? Get over the initial shock and understand that this is really happening…for real…"

Santana smiled at the sound of Rachel's voice, sounding musical even when she wasn't singing. "Maybe," she whispered as they came up to the diner. "We're here." She looked over at the shorter brunette to see her reaction. Rachel's face lit up.

"Oh my god! I love this place! How did you know?!"

Santana thought carefully about her response, then decided to just thank and credit Kurt later on. "I saw it the other day and it looked like something you would like. I know it's not Sardis, but they do have a Broadway sort of theme to it…"

Rachel smiled, knowing that Santana had probably not gotten this idea on her own, only because she knew that Santana had no reason to go to this side of town. "Or, you talked to Shelby and she told you it would work." She smirked. "But I love it all the same. I don't need Sardis, this is perfect."

Laughing, Santana was amused to know that Rachel knew she hadn't thought of it herself. It was also funny to think that she had gotten the idea from Shelby, who had practically been MIA to Santana since their fight and make-up thing. "It was not Shelby's idea, I can promise you that."

"Cass? Wait, no, you hate her…so it must have been Kurt…" she grinned, pulling Santana close, at first thinking herself a bit too bold and wondering if it was the right thing to do.

Santana melted into Rachel's hold. "You got me."

They sat down at a booth, Rachel on one side and Santana on the other, and ordered drinks. Meanwhile, Rachel continued to keep up the conversation, her heart beat relaxing a bit.

"Well you used to pretend to hate me and I'm not sure we've ever actually gone out to dinner, so SOMEONE had to have told you…I know you're nervous…"

At this Santana blushed and Rachel continued,

"But it's okay," and blushed herself. "I am too…I actually had to go talk to Shelby about this…"

"Really?" Santana raised an eyebrow, missing her best friend's pep talks and sort of wishing that Shelby had been there for her as well. "And what did she have to say?"

"She um…" Rachel looked down into her iced tea and mumbled, "She said to just go with the flow because she couldn't help me…I sort of ruined a moment for her…"

This comment made Santana choke on her Coke. "You mean you interrupted Shelby and July making sweet lady love?!"

Rachel was quick to save herself, realizing that she had made it sound much worse than it was. "No, no not exactly…

Putting a hand over her heart, Santana calked down a bit. "Oh, okay. I was worried about you there for a moment…That would have scarred me for life…" she shuddered to think about it—even if the whole fight hadn't been Cassandra's fault, Santana was still very weary of the woman and thought that Shelby deserved much better.

"Oh, I was scarred plenty, believe me. The last thing I needed to see was my horrible dance teacher making out with my mother," Rachel shivered and laughed and her laughter was contagious, transferring over to Santana as well.

"Right?! But on a serious note, if she doesn't lay off of you I will have to really beat her crazy ass." She took another drink, determinedly.

Sighing and giving a smile, Rachel's heart melted at the protective and jealous gesture. "You and my mother both, honestly. She's bad but I can handle her, really…she's not even as bad as Sue was. She's just more intimidating…and dating my mom…"

"Mmm…" San nodded in understanding.

"Right, and it's just…I don't know I guess there's a lot of things that everyone's going to have to get used to now. For me it'll be learning how to knock on Shelby's front door."

"Right?!" Santana grinned at the girl; she had never realized that Rachel had such a sense of humor before, and she supposed that spending all of that time avoiding Rachel was going to get her into a bit of trouble now. She didn't know nearly as much about Rachel as she would have liked, but she was eager to learn. She caught herself staring at Rachel and looked away hurriedly.

With another smile, for she had also caught Santana staring (Rachel also had happened to be staring at her) a slight blush hit Rachel's cheeks and she looked back down into her drink.

"You're gorgeous, Rach," Santana admitted, feeling stronger and stronger with every word they spoke to each other. She was getting more comfortable, however still nervous—like sweating, shaking, heart pounding nervous—and she wasn't sure that THAT feeling would ever really go away.

Her comment seemed to have somehow caught Rachel off guard. Rachel had never thought herself to be beautiful—Santana and Quinn and Brittany were always the pretty ones and Rachel was the one who had the most musical talent. She had always hoped to be pretty like the other three girls but had never really felt it. She had especially never expected Santana to call her _gorgeous_.

"I…really? You think so?" she couldn't keep the shock out of her voice. "Because it means a lot coming from you, San. I've always admired you from afar…you're just so…you're incredible and you're beautiful and amazing and I…I'm rambling because I'm nervous. I'm sorry. I know you hate it when I talk like this…"

Defensive because she had never expected Rach to say such nice things about her, Santana automatically said, "Yeah I do." She paused, recognizing her mistake. She was WITH Rachel now; she no longer had to pretend that everything the brunette did was annoying. "Well I did. I actually find it adorable," she smiled and reached across the table to take Rachel's hand.

Slowly, Rachel's gaze turned up and she looked into Santana's beautifully dazzling eyes, smiling and thinking that if she were to die in seconds, she just might be okay with it. She felt like her life had been made.


	9. Heartbreak and Cheesecake

**A/N: Sorry if the spacing is messed up on here. My computer crashed so we are trying to fix it in an email and it keeps messing it up. Bear with us. Enjoy! **

**A/N 2: Thank you all for the reviews/follows/and favorites! You make us want to keep writing.**

Dani walked into her favorite diner, ready for dinner and to go home and relax after a long day of working on her music and performing said music. She was humming the tune to one of her latest songs (one of the last ones she sang) as she walked up to the counter and placed her order. She didn't even see Santana and Rachel until she turned around and leaned up against the counter. She smiled at her girlfriend and questioned,

"Santana?" she hadn't expected her to be here, of all places. Broadway family diners weren't really her thing.

Santana froze mid laugh with Rachel, her blood running cold, upon hearing her technical "girlfriend" say her name in surprise. What the hell was Dani doing here?! She couldn't be here! This was her first date with Rachel! Holy sweet hell…Didn't she have anywhere else to be? Santana was planning on breaking up with Dani afterwards…after asking out Rachel so suddenly she hadn't gotten the chance to earlier.

She cast a worried glance at Rachel and slowly let go of the girl's hands, hoping she wouldn't react badly to all of this. Santana sighed inwardly, knowing that if Rachel didn't hate her for this, Shelby would.

Rachel pursed her lips at the scene and sat back in the booth, crossing her arms over her chest insecurely. She was aware that Santana hadn't yet broken up with Dani, and she wasn't quite sure how this was about to go down.

Dani, not yet seeing anything wrong with the scene (Rachel and Santana lived together, they had dinner together like every night anyways, right?) walked up to their table and asked,

"Hey, what are you doing here, baby?"

Santana's heart thumped wildly and she smiled nervously, looking Dani up and down. She felt so bad for what she was about to do—it wasn't Dani's fault she got caught up in all of this, and she really was innocent. She was one of the best relationships that Santana had ever had. It's just that…now she had Rachel. Rachel!

"Rachel and I were having dinner," she responded truthfully. Sure, it didn't give away why they were having dinner…she knew she had to get to the details eventually but she was stalling for time, still caught completely off guard and unsure what to say.

The brunette across from Santana stayed silent, interested in how all of this was going to turn out and fairly nervous for Santana. Even Santana seemed more nervous than she did at the beginning of the night, and Rachel was pretty sure she wasn't ever going to see that again. She supposed miracles did happen.

Still oblivious to what was going on, Dani smiled sweetly at Rachel. "Hello, Rachel," she always enjoyed spending time with Santana's friends. Even if Rachel could be a little over the top, she was still a pretty cool person.

Rachel gulped, slowly. "Hi, Dani…what are you doing here?"

Santana rolled her eyes at everyone asking what everyone was doing there. It was a fucking diner—what else would they all be doing there?! She shook her head at herself. She was tense and nervous and her palms were all sweaty. She was terrified and she knew she needed to just calm down.

"Just stopping in for dinner after a late gig." Dani shrugged, putting her hands in her pockets.

Rachel, recognizing that Santana needed time to think about how she was going to do this, continued to distract Dani with small talk.

"Oh, cool! Was it a good show?"

The expression Dani gave Rachel told her that it wasn't. "Eh, it was okay…I've had better." Without missing a beat she turned to Santana. "So are we still on for our date Thursday?"

With a sigh, Santana knew she couldn't just put this off anymore. "I think we need to talk about that…"

Finally, realization struck Dani—like a fucking brick smacking her in the forehead. So that was what this is—it wasn't just some friendly dinner between roommates. She figured she should have thought of that right away, because Santana and Rachel could hardly stand each other 90% of the time, why would they just start going to dinner now? But she should have paid more attention to the way Santana looked at Rachel before, because all of a sudden every single tiny little thing that Santana had said or done about Rachel started to make since. She had never truly loved Dani, had she?

"Oh, okay, so now I get it."

Standing hesitantly, Santana put her hands up in a "please calm down" sort of gesture. "Dani, we REALLY need to talk about this, please don't just jump to conclusions—"

Dani threw her hands up in an "I'm done" sort of gesture. "Fine then! Talk!"

"Please just calm down. I…I don't really know how to say it. This isn't your fault. Really, it had nothing to do with you…you just happened to be thrown into the mix of it and I'm sorry. Really…"

Dani sat down to take everything in—it was a lot to take in at once. A minute ago she thought she had a girlfriend, but now she wasn't so sure what Santana was anymore. "So what? We're over?"

With another small sigh, Santana said, "I really am sorry, Dani. But…" she bit her bottom lip and looked over at the small brunette that she could amazingly now call hers. "It's always been Rachel…"

Now it was Dani's turn to sigh. "Honestly? I've known all along. The way you look at her and talk about her…I just didn't want to admit it to you or to myself. It's fine, Santana. I wish you both the best. I was upset earlier because I thought that's what I needed to feel, but it wasn't."

"Really?" Santana was more relieved than she thought she'd ever felt in her life, but worried that Dani hadn't taken it worse than she did. Did that mean something? Girls were so complicated! Santana had expected some sort of fight. She cast a glance at Rachel, who looked just as surprised—apparently she had also been expecting some sort of show down. "You have every right to be mad at me," San added to Dani, almost hoping she would be, so she didn't get attacked when she least expected it.

An amused expression crossed Dani's face and a knot formed in Santana's stomach.

"Oh, don't worry, I am mad. But there's nothing I can do about it. You love who you love, Santana. Who am I to stand in the way of that?"

This made Santana feel even worse. She was completely exhausted tonight—all of these emotions were giving her whiplash. "Dani…I did care about you. I do care about you. It's just…" she looked over at Rachel again, who looked slightly uncomfortable but better than she could've looked. Santana considered herself extremely lucky that the girl hadn't gotten up and just left yet. "She's Rachel. I've liked her since High School. We have this whole history…things are different with her."

"I get it, Santana." Her eyes sparkled and Santana hoped to god that the poor girl wasn't going to cry because she just wasn't sure that any of them would be able to handle it. People who had started to stare when Dani had originally reacted had continued to watch their mini soap opera and she did not want to draw anymore attention. Any other night she would have told them something snarky to make them go away but she couldn't force herself to care about what others thought—not tonight.

"Really, I do get it…and I did love you," Dani continued. "Hell, I still love you. But I understand."

Santana took a deep breath, thankful that things were going so well. "So…are we okay? Because you're my friend, Dani, and I'd really hate it if we never spoke again because of this." She knew she was sort of asking a lot after all she had put her through, but she was hoping that if there was a god above…

Dani took a moment to respond, scaring the hell out of Santana and making her second guess every life decision she had ever made before Dani finally responded, "Yes, Santana." She smiled. "We are fine."

Smiling back from ear to ear, because it seemed like for once in Santana's life things were finally going her way, San hugged Dani back and whispered in her ear, "Thank you. SO much."

From across the table, Rachel smiled as well, happy and thankful that Dani hadn't started at riot and that she and Santana were able to still be friends. Rach knew with some sadness that Dani was one of Santana's only friends in New York, and she would have felt horrible if she was lost for her.

Dani hugged Santana back and said, "All right, ladies. I've got to go! Have a good night, okay?" she paid for her food, winked at the girls, and walked away, humming the same tune she was humming when she walked in the door. Her heart hurt slightly, but she was happy that things had ended now, instead of gotten serious later on and then having Rachel come into the picture.

After Dani had left, Rachel let out a breath she didn't know she was holding, feeling and looking utterly surprised. "Well that was…easy."

"Right?!" Santana said in complete disbelief. The people who were staring lost interest after Dani had left, and she was super thankful that she and Rachel could finish their date in peace.

"But I'm glad she took it so well. So much less drama,"

Santana took Rachel's hand again, missing the feeling. "Yeah, me too."

Rachel grinned from ear to ear, feeling that course of electricity at Santana's touch. It was a feeling she was not yet used to, and she wasn't sure she'd ever get used to it either.

After finishing their dinner and paying, Santana and Rachel's hands never apart, Santana whispered, "So how about that walk now?"

Rach pulled closer to her new girlfriend. It wasn't even awkward to think of her as a girlfriend so early into their relationship. It was a long time coming, really. Girlfriend was almost too weak a word.

They walked down the city sidewalks, the New York streets still busy enough to be loud, but not too busy to not have a private, intimate moment-a walk between two new lovers. They stayed close as a breeze swept across them. It would have chilled anybody else, but they kept each other warm.

"Rachel, I am so sorry I hadn't broken up with Dani before this," Santana admitted guiltily. She still felt horrible for it. She knew it wasn't right.

Pondering her response, Rachel bit her lower lip in thought. Originally she had been a bit upset that Santana hadn't broken up with Dani before. But now she understood why Santana had done it and what was the point of being angry at her for it now? Santana had chosen HER.

"It's okay. I know you weren't expecting to ask me out so suddenly tonight, and I did sort of just throw all of this at you. Admittedly, the song was Shelby's idea. Well, not that particular song, but singing it to you in general..." Rachel realized she was starting to get a little rambly and was thankful that Santana took over the conversation.

"I loved the song, Rachel, even if it was a little sudden. I wouldn't have had it any other way. I'm so thankful we're together."

Rachel smiled up at Santana, her heart pounding. "I am, too. More than glad."

With an overwhelming feeling of deep emotion, Santana said, in complete honesty, "I love you, Rachel Barbra Berry."

Rachel's heart pounded so hard she was afraid it might fall out of her chest. She came to the realization that what she felt for Santana was so much more than just the crush that she thought it was. She knew in that moment that she was in love with Santana, too. She would die for the girl, she couldn't imagine life without her and all she had ever wanted was to be able to have a relationship with her and now that she did she was finally allowed to say,

"I love you too, Santana Marie Lopez."

With a deep blush forming on her cheeks, Santana pulled Rachel closer, as if it were possible. She had never been so happy in her life, and she thought with great joy that finally, after years and years of disappointment, things had started to go her way.

...

Shelby stomped her foot in protest and followed her girlfriend around the kitchen. Cassandra had started deliberately throwing away any health food she saw that she considered "over the top", which consisted of Shelby's rice cakes. Shelby felt that it was now the last straw.

"Cassie!" she complained, trying desperately to grab a bag from out of Cassandra's hands. Cass carefully shoved Shelby's arms away and threw the bag away anyways. "Stop throwing away all of my healthy food! I agreed to buy junk, but I did not agree to you throwing all of my rice cakes out!"

"Rice cakes. RICE CAKES. Do you HEAR yourself?" Cassandra said, tilting her head back with a laugh as Shelby jumped up onto Cassandra's back and tried to pry the bag of rice cakes from the blonde's grasp. Cass pulled Shelby's legs off of her and Shelby dropped to the floor with a low growl. "I agree that it's good to eat healthy, honey. I'm a DANCE teacher, for god's sake. All i'm saying, C, is that if you keep killing yourself over the small stuff, you're just ADDING more stress to your life. Stress that you definitely don't need."

She wasn't going to bring it up, but at this point she felt it was necessary. So Cass took Shelby lightly by the hands and said softly, "You only eat like this because it's how you were raised."

Cassandra was well aware that now that she said that, Shelby was going to get so defensive she wouldn't be able to talk any sense into her anymore. There was a reason that neither woman's childhood was ever brought up between the two of them-both women hated every part about their past. But Shelby needed to understand what she was doing to herself. She was hard on herself like her parents used to be on her. Cass sighed and watched as Shelby immediately spit back,

"So what if that's how I was raised? We aren't talking about my childhood. I happen to like rice cakes."

So was how things were going to be. If their relationship was going to be different this time around-if it was going to last-they needed to be able to bring this stuff up to each other.

"I know we're not talking about your childhood. We never talk about either of our childhoods and that's how we function." now it was Cassandra's turn to cross her arms over her chest. "The rice cakes are not the point." after saying this she got a new trash bag out and threw another package of rice cakes into it.

"Then what is?" Shelby wondered, pulling the package out of the bag.

Cass knew that this was a better time than ever to say what was on her mind. This "super hard ass self" act that Shelby was putting on needed to stop. For her own good. Maybe no one else saw the pain in Shelby's eyes ever day, but it didn't escape Cassandra's attention every day.

"You don't have to be so hard on yourself or make your life so miserable just because your parents expected excellence and perfection out of everything you did..." She noticed that Shelby had stiffened at the mention of her parents and started occupying herself with putting her rice cakes back in the cupboard, however her voice softened and she continued, carefully. "They're dead, Shelbs...they've been gone for a long time, babe, it's time to let go."

Shelby dropped the bag she was holding and spun around to face Cassandra, her eyes narrowing into a glare. "Low blow." was all she could bring herself to say.

"I'm sorry," Cassandra said truthfully, walking towards Shelby and wrapping her arms around the woman's waist. "I know you don't want to talk about it, Shelby, but you're hurting yourself over things you can't control again and I think this over-healthy eating thing is part of it." her sincere hazel eyes bore into Shelby's green ones, warmly. She just wanted her baby to be okay again.

Shelby shrugged her off and said, "I am not hurting, Cassandra. I just want to be healthy. Hell."

"You can't be perfect all the time, babe. Nobody can. The fact that you aren't isn't going to change anything-certainly not their opinions. They loved you the way that you are, Shelby. As do I. But, babe, they're gone. There is nothing you can do to make them love you more." she continued and tried to keep Shelby's attention but the brunette tried to force herself away. "And you are healthy. MORE than healthy. That's why I'm doing this..."

Shelby refused to listen to Cassandra's point. "I bought junk food for Christ's sake! So I wanted to keep some health options here, sue me." she started to walk away.

"Hey, hey, hey," Cass rushed back towards her and grabbed her by the hands, spinning her around. Shelby's long, gorgeous chocolate locks fell into her eyes as she angrily muttered,

"What? What more could you possibly say?"

"Hey," Cass said again, softly, pressing her face close to Shelby's. Reluctantly, Shelby allowed her to do so. "I'm sorry, Shelby. I know you don't want to talk about it with me and that's fine. I get it. You just needed to hear it, whether you wanted to acknowledge the fact or not. Go ahead and be healthy, okay? Just don't over kill it and don't do it tonight."

Cass placed a soft kiss on Shelby's lips, which Shelby hesitantly reciprocated before Shelby said, "Fine." and she walked to the freezer, getting out the container of Rocky Road ice cream and a spoon and plopping down on the couch.

Sitting down next to Shelby, Cass wrapped an arm around her and opened her mouth, expecting to get a bite. Shelby shook her head as she put the spoon in her mouth. "Go get your own!"

With a protesting glance, Cassandra unwrapped her arm from Shelby's waist and stood, heading towards the kitchen with devilish thoughts. "Love you too, Corcoran..."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Shelby rolled her eyes at Cassie's dramatics and took another bite.

Cass swayed her hips as she walked, knowing it would bother Shelby just enough to get her to pay attention. As the blonde's hips moved, so did Shelby's eyes and she watched carefully, aware of Cassandra's displeasure.

With a sigh, Shelby groaned and tilted her head back against the back of the couch. "Come sit back down, Cass," she was already cold from lack of body heat and missed Cassie's touch.

Ignoring her, Cass opened up the fridge and pulled out the cheesecake box. If her hips couldn't get Shelby's attention enough, Cass thought grudgingly, the damn cheesecake definitely would.

"I win a minute," she finally acknowledged Shelby's request.

It was too late though-Shelby had seen her pull out the box. The brunette got up onto her knees on the couch, turning around and craning her neck to see.

"What are you doing?"

Cas shrugged innocently, raising a seductive and teasing eyebrow. "I'm getting my own junk food, like you told me," her voice dared Shelby to stop her. And dare Shelby would.

"Not my cheesecake!" she yelled, figuring out the blonde's evil plans, jumping up and running towards the kitchen. "NO NO NO NO NO!"

Teasingly, and thankful she had Shelby exactly where she wanted her, Cass grabbed a fork, opened the box, and took a bite, waving the fork around and walking backwards with a laugh. "Nuh uh! Go get your ownnnn..."

"But! This is mineee!" Cass took another bite and Shelby's heart broke. "CASSIEEEE!" it wasn't fair! That was the one thing she had actually asked for!

Sighing in amusement, Cassandra put another bite onto the fork and held it out in front of Shelby, who had her mouth open, pleadingly. Cass smirked when Shelby took the bite and practically moaned. She was proud of herself for getting Shelby to drop her professional act around her, even if only for a minute. Shelby then promptly took the fork from Cassandra's hands and took another bite, a small smirk forming on her lips.

"There," Cass said. "Are you happy now? Now that you can have your cheesecake? Do I get some ice cream now?"

Shelby took another bite. "Mmmhmmm…" she handed Cass the ice cream tub.

Knowing she got her way for a small moment in time, Cassandra smirked and kissed the top of Shelby's head before walking back towards the living room. She was starting to figure out how to break down Shelby's wall, like she promised she would. She knew she just had to be creative about it—that it was still very possible.

. . .

Santana laughed excitedly as she pulled Rachel into the apartment. "Your humble abode, milady…"

Rachel laughed back, her grip still tight on Santana's hand. "Well at least walking me home was convenient."

Kurt, who had been waiting in the living room of the apartment reading a book and anxiously anticipating their arrival home, looked up from what he was reading and smiled softly at the exchange.

"I had a great night, Rach," Santana promised her.

"I did too, San. I'm really happy. The happiest I've been in a very long time."

Upon hearing this, Kurt pressed his lips together excitedly and put his book down, expecting an immediate Rachel re-telling. He needed a play by play from his best friend and he needed it now. Especially since the date was with their long time friend AND roommate.

Santana smiled at Rachel's declaration of happiness. It felt good to make her happy instead of upset all the time. She was excited that she didn't have to hide her feelings anymore, and had been contemplating why she felt the need to even hide them to begin with. This was more than she could have ever asked for.

"Well then…I'm glad I could be of assistance." She glanced over at Kurt and couldn't help but enjoy the look on his face, but out of habit, played it off like she couldn't care less about his reaction. "It appears Lady Hummel wants to talk to you, so I am going to call it a night." She placed a soft, lingering kiss on Rachel's cheek. "Good night, Rach."

In that moment, Rachel Berry lost her ability to react to life, even if the kiss was only on the cheek. After a small fluttering in her stomach, Rachel managed to mutter a, "Goodnight, Santana."

With a small smirk of happiness, Santana walked into her "room" of the apartment. After pulling the curtain shut and pulling her privacy partition into place in front of her bed, she changed into shorts and a tank top to sleep in, switched on her laptop, logged in, and got into Skype, IMing Shelby:

**Corcoran, I HAVE to talk to you, get your ass on here, please.**

When Shelby's laptop went off, she and Cass were lying in bed watching a movie. It seemed like a pretty nonproductive and lazy weekend for the two of them, which they were both completely okay with. Cass didn't enjoy the fact that she had to move from her position of laying on Shelby just so Shelby could reach for her laptop, but she eventually did get up, reluctantly. After unlocking her desktop, Shelby read Santana's message and shook her head with a small laugh.

"Cass…Santana needs me. I'm going to call her on Skype. Okay?"

Cassandra clicked the remote to pause the movie—They were watching You've Got Mail—and shifted, hesitantly, into a more comfortable position.

"Um, okay, but…doesn't she hate me?"

"…But she needs me, Cassie. I'm one of her only friends in the world."

Cassandra noticed in an unsettling fashion that Shelby hadn't answered her question, but she agreed all the same, because she knew Shelby was right, "Okayy…"

Shelby clicked the call button and Santana answered it almost immediately, thinking that Shelby had taken way too long to respond to her IM, even though it had only been like thirty seconds.

San spoke as soon as she could see Shelby and Cassandra's faces. She chose to ignore Cassandra and just directed her words towards Shelby when she practically swooned, "Oh my god, your daughter…"

Shelby, finding this a whole new thing for Santana—showing emotion, talking about feelings, (particularly in the presence of Cassandra, a woman she couldn't stand)—very amusing, rolled her eyes and smiled, "What did she do?"

Cass raised an eyebrow and got up to stretch, moving away from the bed and cracking her knuckles and neck before touching her toes. She didn't want this whole thing to be completely awkward, and listening to her student's roommate talk about said student in a lovey fashion did not seem like the type of thing she really wanted to be a part of. Besides that, she had been lying and sitting for way too long, and if she didn't stretch out, she knew she'd have a hard time dancing on Monday. She spun to one side and cracked her back and switched sides before she heard Santana sigh and say,

"Everything right."

Laughing lightly at Santana's lack of detail, Shelby figured she'd have to just bluntly ask a question in able to get any information out of her. She seemed a little too blessed out to even function and with a slight touch of worry she hoped to god that it had just been dinner—that Santana wasn't so blessed out about anything else. She didn't think that San or Rach would too hurriedly rush into this, but as a mother she was still concerned.

"So tell me about the date," she remained calm, trying to shove those kinds of thoughts aside. "How did it go?"

Santana bit her lip and picked up her laptop, taking it over to her bed, before sitting criss cross and talking quietly enough so that only Shelby and Cassandra could hear, but still loud enough so that it was possible to understand what she was saying.

"We walked to this diner that she LOVES and I bought her dinner there…"

"Oh, the one right down from your loft?" Shelby inquired, tilting her head to the side. She didn't think that Santana had even been aware of that diner's existence. She had probably asked Kurt.

"Yeah," Santana nodded, pulling her hair over to one side and fidgeting with it. Shelby could tell she was having post anxiety about the whole thing. It was normal and an interesting emotion to see Santana experiencing. She was tempted to mark the day on the calendar, unsure it would ever happen again.

"Oh, it's a great place," Shelby said.

"It really was. I was surprised by it." Santana smiled a huge smile and Cassandra scoffed. She could practically HEAR the grin on the girl's lips. She spread down into a splits and Shelby gave her a reproachful look, biting her lip, before turning her attention back to Santana. Sometimes Cass could be such a little show off—she got jealous when she wasn't the center of Shelby's world, and Shelby completely understood why, given her past, but Santana needed a girl talk.

"Yeah," Shelby said back to Santana.

After a pause, San admitted, "She took my hand and admitted she was terrified and that she had talked to you,"

Cassandra let out a laugh and Shelby smiled,

"Oh, she did, did she?"

"Yes, and I told her I was nervous to but that she was gorgeous and adorable and things were going to be okay," Santana started braiding her hair at this point, needing something to occupy her hands with. Then she smirked, looking Shelby dead in her eyes, "She also told me that she walked in on you with July. It's called a lock."

Cassandra started laughing so hard she fell out of her warrior position and had to leave the room, doubled over. Shelby was either laughing so hard her face was red or blushing so much that it appeared that way as she stuttered out a, "Well isn't she just a little open book?"

Santana scoffed. "Well it is Rachel, remember?" she laughed back. "Be thankful that was ALL she caught you two doing…." She stared down at her laptop keys for a minute before looking up and saying softly, "Then Dani showed up."

At this, Shelby dropped her jaw. Cassandra made her way back into the room, crawling into bed with Shelby and setting her head in the crook of the brunette's neck with a shiver. She pulled the comforter up over the both of them and Shelby said,

"Santana Marie, PLEASE tell me you had broken up with her BEFORE taking my daughter out."

"Oh shit," Cass commented. Shelby gave her a sideways glance and Cass moved the laptop so that only Shelby was in view of the camera, placing a kiss on Shelby's not-visible-to-Santana shoulder. Shelby didn't stop her, but seeing Santana's lips pressed together so tightly was distracting and not very convincing. She had thought that Santana had had a bit more sense than that. It was not a good start to their relationship, was it?

San took a drink from the glass of water on the desk next to her and avoided the question. Shelby was not about to let her get away so easily. She gave her a few seconds, letting her stall. Finally, she repeated herself.

"Santana?"

"I didn't really have time to—Rach sang "No Day but Today" and my heart melted and I asked her out before I could stop myself…" Santana admitted guiltily.

Shelby took a deep breath. So Rachel had decided on that song? How beautiful.

She supposed that Santana's excuse wasn't a bad one and she decided to just keep the conversation flowing. Cassandra decided she was bored with the conversation and continued to place soft kisses down Shelby's arm—not that Shelby minded.

"So how did that go?" Shelby asked.

"Dani was…mad?" Santana shook her head, just as confused as everybody else. "Well she was at first and then she said she understood, and then she hugged me and then she just left. She said she knew it had always been Rach." After a moments' pause she questioned, "I wasn't SO obvious though, right?"

Shelby shook her head at the young girl's mistake. "You are so lucky it went the way it did, Santana," she said in a warning tone, acknowledging Cassandra's kisses by caressing the blonde's head softly with her free hand. Cass took this as a good enough acknowledgement and stopped, simply leaning into Shelby and letting her talk. "And yes," she answered Santana's last question. "It was pretty obvious."

"I know, I know, it could have been SO much worse and the last thing I wanted to do was start a fight in front of Rachel…if it was so obvious then why didn't she notice any sooner?" she unbraided her hair for the third time and just let it be.

"She didn't want to believe it," Shelby shook her head slowly. "Just like you didn't."

Cass sat up in protest at Santana's statement. "What the hell do you mean you didn't want to fight in front of Rachel?! Who was the one who called me out for "sleeping" with her?!" she used her fingers to show the quotations.

Quietly, Santana said almost shyly, rolling her eyes, "That was different."

"Cassie, not now," Shelby scolded softly.

With a growl, Cass crossed her arms and leaned back against the bed frame. Why did Shelby always take Santana's side? Santana wasn't her girlfriend!

Seeing that she had upset Cassandra and realizing it was the last thing she wanted to do, Shelby rubbed Cassie's arm. "Can we just agree to drop this whole fighting not fighting thing?"

Sighing, Cassandra answered, "For you, I suppose."

"Thank you, baby." She turned back to Santana, "So San, what's next? Have you guys talked since you've been home?" she was anxious to know how Rachel felt the date went, but odds are she was already talking to Kurt about it and Shelby wouldn't get to talk to Rach again unless she sought the girl out.

Santana took another drink of water, her stomach still in knots. "Um, yeah we talked a bit…Don't go rushing into things just because I'm with your daughter, Shelby. I don't know the future."

Taken aback, Shelby said, "I know this, San. I know."

Santana was always one to rush into things, Shelby thought. Maybe Rachel really was different.

"But apart from the Dani thing, I had a nice time, and Rachel seems to have had a good time, too."

Cass pulled the computer her way so that the camera had view of both she and Shelby before getting in on the conversation. She didn't care if Santana didn't like her—neither did Schwimmer, but that never stopped her before.

"Did you kiss her?"

Stuttering, Santana couldn't respond. The thought of kissing Rachel still seemed years away, no matter how long she had thought or dreamed about it.

"Cass!" Shelby laughed, nudging her girlfriend. She realized that she was probably going to start treating Santana the same way she treated Rachel, but that meant that she was warming up to her. Cassandra really did like Rachel, after all—she was just hard on her because that's how Cassandra July worked. Shelby stared at Santana, waiting for an answer.

Finally, San managed a, "I..No, I didn't kiss her. So you can get your panties out of a bunch, Shelbs."

"Calm down, San," Shelby didn't want her getting defensive.

"I am calm!"

"Okay…" she wasn't going to argue.

"I should probably go…let you two love birds alone and what-not…get some sleep."

Cass snorted. "Huh. "Sleep". Right."

Santana blushed at Cassandra's accusation. "I'm serious about going to sleep!" she didn't like the way Cassandra unnerved her—almost like the way that Shelby did, only Shelby was more motherly about it, and Cassandra was more authoritative.

Cassandra shrugged. "Whatever you say," she raised a taunting eyebrow and Santana figured out why Rachel got so irritated with Cass so quickly. It wasn't hard.

"Goodnight, San," Shelby ignored Cassandra's teasing. "I love you, and I am happy for you. Just be good to my daughter."

Growling at Cass, San answered, "Good night, Shelby, and thanks. I'm happy too, and have I ever not been—" she stopped herself, because she couldn't say that—she HAD been horrible to Rachel. "I'll be good to Rachel." With a final glare at the blonde sitting next to Shelby—it was not going to be easy getting used to seeing her all the time. She shut her laptop and set it off to the side, wrapping herself in her blanket and staring at the wall in front of her, thinking about a little bit of everything.

. . .

Kurt wrapped his arms around Rachel in an excited hug and pulled her over to the couch. They could hear Santana talking to Shelby in her "room", but they couldn't make out what she was actually saying. That was probably for the best.

"So tell me everything, Diva!" he bounced up and down on the couch like an excited seven year old.

Rachel laughed at his excitement. "Haha, calm down, calm down. There isn't much to tell…not really. Dani showed up and Santana broke up with her. We had dinner, we walked around the city together, and we came home. She…she told me she loves me." She looked down at her hands and smiled like a fool.

His mind was running a million miles a water trying to catch up to Rachel. Finally he managed to stop her and say, "WHAT?! Hold on. Dani showed up?! Santana said she loves you?!"

Rachel rolled her eyes. "Yes, pay attention," she giggled.

"Holy mother of Streisand!"

"I know!" Rachel beamed. "I know. It's amazing, isn't it?"

Nodding, Kurt said, crossing his legs underneath him, "So did you tell her you loved her back?!"

Rachel nodded slowly, looking up at Kurt as she grinned.

"Well…damn. I am happy for you, Rach." Kurt was so happy he felt like he was about to burst with excitement. It was about time these two got together. He hadn't known that Rachel liked Santana, but San liking Rachel was way too obvious.

"Thank you, Kurt. I'm so happy. I can't even…it's just too incredible. It's too amazing to be true."

And it seemed that way. It really did.


End file.
